The Arthur Adventure

Anxiousness

2012-02-09T09:10:00.001-05:00

I haven't posted on here lately because I haven't had the words to share what has been going on. Long story short...there are a few people that want Baby A to be placed with them. Tomorrow Paul and I have a meeting with them and our caseworker to pretty much just lay it out and fight for what we believe is best for this little guy. My prayer is that God's will be done. This is not about what our family wants, but it's about what is best for him. Even though God's will may not be pretty or end happily on our end, it is what is best for us. So, tomorrow we have our meeting and then next week we have a court date where the judge will decide placement. Here is what has been laid on my heart the last few days: "Your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Encouragement

2012-01-30T19:41:00.000-05:00

I borrowed this from a blog that I follow. I needed to read this today.

JAN

When Life is Hard

2012 at 3:18 pm | by Carolyn Mahaney
Filed under Biblical Womanhood SufferingI love Scripture's honesty. I love how the biblical authors, inspired by the Holy Spirit, don't hold back about despair, weakness, doubt, or fear. They don't step gingerly around topics of pain or temptation or trouble. They are frank about the fact that life is hard.

So when the biblical writers speak to us of hope and joy and peace, we know these are real too. And in our depths of despair, we can take their hand and follow them out of the pit.

Take for example, the words of Jeremiah in Lamentations 3 that we are all so familiar with: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" (v. 22-23). These words are spoken from the heights, a spectacular panorama. But how do we get there when we feel crippled by the trials of life?

The same way Jeremiah did.

Only a few verses earlier he writes from the deepest valley: "...my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, 'My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord'" (v. 17-18).

Can you relate? Hope, gone. Peace, gone. Happiness, so far gone, you can't even remember what it feels like. What do we say to someone who confesses this? Do we recoil at their lack of faith? And yet here is Jeremiah, prophet of God, confessing that in his trouble he feels bereft of all of the blessings of the people of God.

Then Jeremiah shows us how he gets from the depths to the heights: "But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope..." (v. 21).

His soul, which had taken its last breath of hope, was resuscitated by calling to mind who God is and what He does. He is faithful. He shows mercy, He does love. He does notforget. He sent His only Son who endured the agony of the cross, in our place and for our sins, and rose again, victorious. This I call to mind.

Notice that Jeremiah's trial was unchanged. He didn't get a phone call that the cancer was gone. He didn't find his enemies on his front porch asking for forgiveness. He didn't get hired. His child didn't become a Christian. But he had something better.

He had hope. Hope that one day, even if it wasn't until heaven, he would know happiness again

Home

2012-01-11T09:42:00.001-05:00

Here are a few pictures from our trip to the Coast. We had a nice time visiting family and friends. It was wonderful to not have to worry about anything for a week!

This is the laundry detergent that I made before we left. I made my own a few years ago, but didn't like it, but this is a new recipe and so far it has been fabulous. It cost me $15 to make and you only use one tablespoon per load. This jar should last close to nine months. Here is the recipe:

1 box of Borax

1 box of Arm and Hammer washing soda

2 jars (small containers) of powdered oxyclean ( I used the SUN brand)

2 small boxes of arm and hammer baking soda

3 bars of grated fels naptha soap (pink zote soap from Home depot works well too)

You should able to find all of this at Walmart.

Mix it all together really well! My laundry room smells so fresh just from the detergent! I still use fabric softener just because I like our clothes to be extra soft.

This is what we did today...

2011-12-29T12:38:00.002-05:00

Dishwasher Detergent

Here is another one of my "sick of spending so much money on soap?", "tired of loading the dishwasher after dinner and finding you are out of dishwasher soap, again?". Save money and grocery store trips and make your own. It's really easy and last's forever!

Here is what you need.

Dishwasher Detergent ingredients:
1 box Borax (4lbs 12 oz or 76 oz ) (2.15 kg) found in the detergent isle
1 box Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda (55 oz or 3 lbs 7 oz) found in the detergent isle
24 packages of unsweetened lemonade drink mix, like kool-aid. (**Note: lemonade will stain soap dispenser yellow, another option would be to use citric acid instead of lemonade. You can usually find citric acid in the canning isle )
3 cups Epsom Salt
Lemi Shine rinse aid (this recipe does not work very well without it) You can find Lemi Shine in the dishwasher detergent isle at just about any store. You can also use vinegar as a rinse aid. If your dishes are coming out with spots on them that means you do need a rinse aid.

Christmas

2011-12-27T14:11:00.001-05:00

This year was different for us. We decided to shake things up a little and do the twelve days of Christmas with Lauren. The hard part was being organized enough to make sure that I had something everyday. I had to get my shopping done early. We started on the 14th and ended on the 25th. This big hit was her American Girl doll that she had been begging for the past year. She said that she wants to do do the twleve days again next year so I guess it's going to become a tradition. If you read the history behind the twelve days it actually isn't until the 25th through January 6th...Lauren wouldn't go for it...we tried! We spent the weekend just hanging out and having family time. Saturday we are leaving for Mississippi to visit Paul's family. We are looking forward to getting away and seeing people that we only see once a year or so. Not sure how restful it will be with a six year old and a five month old, but the change of pace will be welcomed!

Pictures!

2011-12-22T15:11:00.000-05:00

Here are a few pics that a friend took of Lauren: (I have some of the baby but I can't post them. Sorry!)

Lauren

2011-12-05T14:31:00.000-05:00

With all of the court stuff last week I completely forgot to share on here the good news. Lauren had a neurology check up last Monday. He was able to change her medication to one pill a day instead of six pills. That was nice to hear and our insurance company will be happy. We had been seeing her neurologist every six months, but he is letting us go a full year this time! Yay! When she is seizure free for two years we can start to wean her off her medication to see if she is growing out of it. The marker for whether or not she is going to grow out of them is puberty. If she hasn't grown out of them by then the neurologist said that the seizures would manifest into a different kind of epilepsy with possible gran mal seizures. All of that to say that we are just playing the wait and see game. The only side effect that we have seen from all of this is that she is a little slower getting things accomplished. Slow as in each task takes more time than usual. If that is the only issue we have then I can live with it!

Peace

2011-12-03T14:13:00.000-05:00

Well, we passed little W off to his new family yesterday. I am praying that this is the last stop for him. They say that before the age of three all the moving around doesn't effect them, but I disagree. The chances of him being placed back with his mom are very slim, so that is a blessing. I spent the day praying for a peaceful feeling about all of it and I think that God has given me that. I got to sit down and talk with the other mom and we got to talk about his last four months and the ways that he has grown. I truly believe that she loves him and cares. It all seemed right. Of course we are sad because he brought a lot of joy to our house.

God is in control

2011-12-01T15:44:00.000-05:00

I have been waiting to update the blog because I wanted to see how the court hearing went that they had this morning. So, the judge ordered that W (the 18 month old) be given back the people that were taking care of him before he came into the foster care system. This is what we have had to prepare our hearts for since the beginning. Of course I am not happy with the judge's ruling and don't understand it. The positive aspect is that W knows these people and has a bond with them. As of now we still have A (the 4 month old) for a few more months. Letting go is the challenge of being a foster parent. You know where they came from and you pray that they go back into a better situation. Not knowing whether or not they are going to continue to help him learn his words or put a bottle back in is mouth is what is so hard. I feel like I have worked so hard over the last four months and I pray that he remembers and it wasn't in vain.

Talk about a lesson in trust!

2011-11-02T12:45:00.000-04:00

Well, our weekend started out pretty well. Saturday we got to spend with Paul and then Sunday we got to go down to his work and do a trunk or treat that they were putting on. Monday it started...I got a call on Monday morning that there was going to be a last minute placement hearing on Wednesday morning and that we needed to be prepared to let the boys go back this week. Ok. I was angry, but took a few deep breaths and just decided not to think about it until Wednesday. God is Sovereign and he knows what is best. Monday afternoon we had visitation with the boys mom. Visitation day is is always stressful. We managed to get through it with no major drama. (Thank God!) I get everyone back in their car seats and my car won't start. I am so naive when it comes to automobiles and we have never had an issue with our van up until now. My poor husband is stuck at work and had no idea when he would be able to come. A very sweet friend comes with her jumper cables and nothing happens. My six year old is sobbing because she can't go trick or treating with a friend. I ended up having to have the van towed on Tuesday morning to the dealership and found out that it was a wire gone bad. The dealership lost our van for a few hours because they couldn't figure out where the tow company had put it. In the midst of all of this our caseworker calls and tells me that family court is cancelled due to another trial going on. We don't know how long we have, but we at least have a few more days. We are grateful for whatever time we can spend with these boys trying to plant whatever positive seeds we can! So, today I am going to get my van back (hopefully!) and am waiting on a call from a client who is going to be induced tonight. Life is never boring around here!

Possibly good news...

2011-10-27T15:18:00.001-04:00

As of right now we definitely have the boys through November until the placement hearing on December 1st. This is great to hear, but now what will happen in December? Trying not to let ourselves think about it right now!
My heart has been so conflicted this week not knowing what was going to happen. A sweet friend reminded me that we have adoption and foster care because of sin and because we live in such a broken world. My focus changed after hearing that. My prayers are not that the boys mom will just get clean and get her life together, but that she will have a heart change, too. I am reminded that we serve such a great and mighty God. He is mighty to save. (that is one of my favorite songs by the way!)

Learning

2011-10-22T20:18:00.000-04:00

Boy, it's been awhile. Sorry! Life is full of diapers, sleep schedules and trying to parent a six year old, too. Someday's I feel as if I am slowly losing myself! I know...these stages won't last forever! Today is overwhelming. It's been a tough, frustrating week along with four nights of both boys wanting to be up at 4:00 in the morning and stay up!
It was a week of questioning for me. The family court judge is supposed to make a placement decision this coming week. This means she is making a decision about whether or not the boys stay with us or go back. The frustrating part is that if they go back right now it would be the exact situation that they were pulled out of. The going back part is not what bothers me. It's the desire for them to go back to a BETTER situation. I question what the point in all this was if they are going back now. Instead of focusing my energy on what I can't control, I need to learn to stay in the moment. Right now in this moment we have two little boys who need us. We have two little boys who need to be loved. This is the most emotionally frustrating journey I have ever been on! Those who know us know that Paul and I have been through a lot these past few years. This seems so much harder than all that!

Busy!

2011-09-19T14:35:00.000-04:00

I have been so bad about updating! Life with three is a bit crazier than I thought it would be. I think that having two so close together is what causes the most anxiety. Sleep deprivation and I don't get along very well!
Things are good. Please just keep praying for the boys and their family situation. Things are getting emotional on my end since we started to have visitation with their birth mother. It was hard to meet her and see how she interacted with her children. My heart broke. It was not pleasant. I'm sorry that I can't fill you all in on everything but there are pretty strict privacy issues.
My baby girl turned six and lost her first tooth on Saturday. It was pretty exciting! The best part was the money she got for her tooth she said! She is such a big help and is growing up so fast! We are still managing to get schoolwork done! It's a bit tricky. One gets a bottle and goes down for a nap and the other still takes two naps a day so during his morning nap we get as much as we can done. So thankful we have a few days to play around with!

What a week...

2011-08-27T15:07:00.000-04:00

Ok...So Wednesday afternoon we got a call from our DCS worker and she asked us if we would like to foster two boys. Not just two boys, but two boys who are only three weeks and fifteen months old! I know nothing about baby boys! Of course we said yes. Every part of me starting shaking when I got off the phone. It's like finding out you are pregnant and having the baby all in one day. I finally came back to my senses and and got on the phone to see who I could borrow baby boy clothes from.We have been so blessed. Not only have people provided clothes, but they have been bringing dinner, too.
Due to privacy reasons I can't share details of the situation or real names. Baby A will be one month old tomorrow and Baby W is somewhere between fourteen and fifteen months. We aren't sure exactly because some of their history is missing still. It has been going well. I have forgotten how tired you get when you are feeding a baby three times a night! Baby A is very sweet, though! Baby W has had a more difficult time of course. Going to sleep has been pretty rough for him. First few days were high anxiety, but he is starting to get adjusted. He smiles more and is playing a lot more. Boys are a whole different world for us!
We'll keep you posted! Please pray for the situation. Please pray for wisdom for DCS and everyone else involved.

Placements!

2011-08-24T21:20:00.000-04:00

We have two foster care placements! A three week old and a fifteenth month old. Two boys! Please pray! Update later!

Updates

2011-08-15T11:43:00.001-04:00

First off, I am sorry for the lack of pictures. I am very slow at figuring out how to upload photos to our computer from my phone.
2nd grade is going well. Amazingly well. I was a a bit worried but Lauren has surpassed all of my expectations once again. I think teaching is easier this year because we are passed the basics. She can write well and read well so now we are onto the learning of concepts and things. We are having fun. Yes, we have had our moments and our melt downs, but overall I am so blessed to able to teach her.
I am really glad that I decided to start school early. I had two deliveries this past week and ended up having to take Friday off from school. On Tuesday we finished school and met some friends at a nail salon and got treated to manicures and pedicures. It was so much fun! Right after we finished I ended up meeting my laboring client at the hospital. It turned out to be a beautiful experience and the kind of birth that they were hoping for. Friday was a whole different story. The outcome was healthy mom and healthy baby, thank God. It turned out to be a marathon day and a very tough experience for all involved. I am so thankful for my husband who took care of getting Lauren to our sitter's house and taking care of our household. I am praying for a restful week this week. More babies coming in a few weeks!

What happened?

2011-07-28T10:53:00.000-04:00

Where did the time go? What happened to summer? It's back to school time for us already. I am going to try to start on August 3rd pending any laboring mama's between now and then. We have a busy fall season ahead of us and I thought that if I got a head start and we had to take a small break then I wouldn't be too far behind. I'm battling my beginning of the school year nervousness. Since Lauren is a grade ahead I get this "Oh, no...is she REALLY ready?" feeling every time. She has grown up so much this summer. I am excited to see how she grows through this next school year.

I have some really cute pictures to post, but our computer decided to break. Thankfully, Paul has a laptop that we are able to use to keep up with emails and things. I'll get pictures up when I can!

Today

2011-07-20T09:55:00.000-04:00

Today is a celebration! Nine years ago today at 4:20 pm I married my love, my friend. I have run into so many people lately that say things like "Oh, just another year" or "I don't have the patience to break another one in." Comments like that make me so angry! You know what? Anniversaries are for celebrating each other and what you have become together. They are for being proud that you are making it in this world. In this world where people in their early 30's (like us) have been divorced twice already. I am a much better person because of Paul. I am proud of us!

Every Step, Every Plan

2011-07-12T07:55:00.000-04:00

I borrowed this from one of my favorite blogs:

"Take one step at a time, every step under Divine warrant and direction. Ever plan for yourself in simple
dependence on God. It is nothing less than self-idolatry to conceive that we can carry on even the ordinary matters of the day without his counsel. He loves to be consulted...Consider no circumstances too clear to need his direction. In all thy ways, small as well as great; in all thy concerns, personal or relative, temporal or eternal, let him be supreme. Who of us has not found the unspeakable 'peace' of bringing to God matters too minute or individual to be entrusted to the most confidential ear?... If in true poverty of spirit we go every morning to our Lord, as knowing not how to guide ourselves for this day; our eye constantly looking upward for direction, the light will come down. He shall direct thy paths…. Let the will be kept in a quiet, subdued, cheerful, readiness, to move, stay, retreat, turn to the right hand or to the left, at the Lord’s bidding; always remembering that is best which is least our own doing, and that a pliable spirit ever secures the needful guidance…. No step well prayed over will bring ultimate regret.” ~Charles Bridges

Holidays and babies

2011-07-08T11:51:00.002-04:00

Sitting and waiting for "The Band Perry" concert to start. We have a five year old that loves country music!

Paul and Lauren watching fireworks. Last year she was still a bit nervous about them so it was nice to see her enjoying them this year.

The fireworks on the river were incredible. The concert and everything were free. It was a really nice family evening on a budget!

My first of five babies coming this summer decided to make her way into the world Wednesday night. It was incredible. It was a very long 22 hours but I will never get over how amazing the birth process is and how God created us.

Marriage....it's a neat thing

2011-06-16T08:58:00.001-04:00

This is a link to a sermon series by Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Church in Seattle. It gives you a whole different view of what marriage is supposed to be, especially if you didn't grow up in a christian home. He goes through the book of Song Of Solomon. It is absolutely amazing and worth listening to no matter where you are in your marriage. It has some really practical advice. We have been listening to bits at a time. http://www.marshillchurch.org/search/results?q=peasant+princess+sermon+series

Oh, My

2011-06-16T08:43:00.000-04:00

Well, here we are day four of the day shift. I had this vision in my mind of finally having "normal" days and more family time. Ha! First day was a 13 hour day, 2nd day was a 17 hour day, 3rd day was about 13 hours. Poor Paul..he got home at 1:00am on Wednesday morning and said "You know how this was supposed to be better? Well, I think I they lied to me!" Hopefully things will get easier over the next few weeks. It is nice to know, though, that at some point in the evening he will be coming home. Lauren is thrilled to come out of her room in the morning and her daddy is awake and she can spend time with him for a few minutes before he leaves. The adventure that is our life right now!

Changes in our household

2011-06-13T09:43:00.000-04:00

Most people would say that I am over reacting to the change that is happening around here, but to me it's pretty big. After eight and a half years of night shift Paul got a day shift position. For the first time in eight years I got up and made breakfast for my husband. Tonight I get to make supper for him when he comes home. Does that sound crazy? I've never done it before. I've never had to schedule meals around my husband's work schedule. I'm used to making him lunch when he woke up and sending his supper with him. We have never had to schedule our evenings around anything but Lauren and I. Paul has never been home on a week night to help put Lauren to bed or say good night to her. When we do an activity on a week night it's mostly me going alone with Lauren and having to explain where my husband is. One of the ballet mom's asked me if I was a single parent one time. Very glad to not have to experience that feeling again! We are really excited, but there is going to be some adjustment as we find our new normal.

Some pictures finally!

2011-06-13T09:08:00.001-04:00

Grandma's house!

This is Molly, one of my parents labs. She wanted to know when she could hop in and play with the girls.

Nothing like relaxing in grandma's giant whirlpool tub. Life gets hard when you are forced to play and have fun all day!

This is the view from my mom and dad's upper deck. Beautiful Ozarks!

Quiet...maybe a little too quiet

2011-06-02T17:08:00.000-04:00

Our house is quiet. VERY quiet. There is five year old little girl chatter missing. For the first few days we have enjoyed it. Paul's job has been really calm this week so he has been home a bit more than usual. It's been nice. Now I think we are ready for the little girl chatter to come back! She'll be back next week, thankfully. I can't complain. I am so thankful that she gets to spend time with her cousins and my parents.

I have been busy purging rooms and going through a certain child's room and ridding it of all the "necessary keepsakes" that she accumulates. It is so funny to see what kinds of things she deems as keepsakes. A gum wrapper, a broken flip flop (because it was the prettiest color of pink that she had ever seen!) or a barbie doll that has it's legs and arms chewed off from the dog. It makes me smile.

Hurry up and wait

2011-05-23T12:58:00.000-04:00

Oh, I feel like my days are filled with waiting for our phone to ring and praying that somebody is calling to tell us that they have a foster care placement for us. In God's time...

Paul has been off for four days and goes back to work this afternoon. I feel like we have been so spoiled these past few days! No agenda, just hanging out together. This next weekend we are going to Missouri to see my parents and drop Lauren off for her summer trip with Grandma and Grandpa. I'm really excited because Paul gets to come too! It is rare that he gets to take a weekend trip.

Update on Lauren: We had a neurology appointment this week. I had noticed that she had been having a few more seizures than normal. Even on medication she still has 1-2 episodes a day. I was noticing 5 or more on some days. The difficult thing is that there are so many triggers.....lack of sleep or being in the sun, etc. Anyway, her Dr. decided that it would be best to increase her medication. The process of increasing the dosage takes almost a month because it has to be done so slowly. You also have to watch for any adverse reactions at the same time. It's all a bit nerve wracking! So along with more medication and sticking to a good routine we are pretty confident. I have been dealing with trying not to worry about her future. If her seizures keep increasing as she gets older than the likely hood of her growing out of this is pretty slim. It's a daily challenge for me to hand her back over!

The adventure part of the Arthur Adventure...

2011-05-11T13:52:00.000-04:00

Do you remember in one of my last posts I told you that there was something I wanted to share? I can finally tell you now! For the past couple years Paul and I have been praying for guidance in how we should expand our family. We have looked into a few adoption agencies and God just kept closing doors. While Paul was in Europe we decided to use our time apart to pray and see what we came together with. My heart was leaning towards adoption through the state of Indiana. If any of you know anything about my background then you know why my heart was leaning that way. When Paul came home in February we had some long discussions about it and we both felt led to foster to adopt. So, as of today we are officially foster parents through the sate of Indiana! We are now anxiously waiting for a placement. We are both excited and terrified! God knows exactly what our family needs. Please pray for us as we start this journey.

"The Mother Load"

2011-05-09T10:45:00.002-04:00

What was the original "mother-load" that now causes eyes to bulge and hands to spread to show the magnitude, the intensity? This Mothers' Day I think I have found it, this load on mothers that is so extreme and so weighty and so universal that it has made it's way into pop culture jargon... mother-guilt.
I have yet to find a woman, no matter how old or young, who has grown eyes and skin and bones inside her being or agonized over months of paper work and meticulous training, who is not plagued by the hissing in their ears.
I can't believe you let your child cry in his bed... you are a selfish mother.
I can't believe you let your child sleep in your bed... you aren't tough enough.
You started food to early... or too late.
Your schedule is too lax... or too rigid.
You spank.
You don't spank.
When our children begin to sin, look us in the eye and say NO to God's way...we think... what have we done wrong? What could we have done different?
When a toddler hits you in the face, spits out his dinner and whines through out the store you feel the eyes of others burning into your back... even the eyes of God seem to weigh you down until you collapse, throw up your hands and cry out for HELP!
When children grow and are angry, distant, ungrateful or simply lost a mother looks back... did I spank enough or too much? What about that one time I got angry and had to leave the room... or raised my voice... or gave that look... if I had not done that one thing, would it be different today, this moment?
A mother makes a million decisions a day... what time to get the children up, what should they wear and what's to eat? How do you educate them and love them and discipline them and teach them all the things they need to know before life deals them a hard blow. What day to do the laundry and the shopping and when to play outside and how to stay safe and clean and socialized... what's for dinner and how many veggies have they had today? What about sleep overs and girl friends and boyfriends and church? Family worship, devotionals, bible memorization? What is enough and when is it too much. When to push and when to give? It's exhausting... and when so many decisions are made, it is impossible to feel secure you made them ALL right in any given day. Add to that multiple children and other people's children and then the clincher... SIN!
In the midst of this chaos of mind, it's easy to lose sight of God.
That God who is working all things for your good and His glory.
That God who is making you look more and more like his Son.
That God who knows your child more intimately than you and knows the trials they need to come to Him.
It's not all about you, or them or right now... it's about Him and this plan He has and IS working out... even when dishes lie dirty and laundry mildews in the washer and mom almost loses her cool, again...
His plan is working, molding, sanctifying... and it is good.
So, my present to you moms today and a present to myself... let it go. Work hard for the glory of God and raise open palms to the Lord with the rest and look your children in the eye and say, "I did my best, I was faithful... though a sinner and God has a plan for you!".
God doesn't ask us to save our children or give them a perfect life... he asks us to be faithful to Him
To glorify Him as we shepherd, train, discipline, love and give to God.

Joy of Hair Bows!

2011-05-07T12:44:00.002-04:00

This is a website of a friend of mine. She had given me some hair things for Lauren to try and I have to say that if you have issues with clips staying in your little girl's hair you need to try these! Barrettes and clips slide right out of Lauren's hair because she has such fine hair. My friend Terra reinforces her clips with a nonslip piece of fabric. They are AWESOME! http://www.joybowtique.blogspot.com/ She does custom bows for any occasion. Check it out! Very reasonably priced.

Keepin' on....

2011-05-02T22:06:00.000-04:00

This week has been crazy. I think tumultuous would be the word! There is so much going on in our lives that I hope to be able to share with you soon! This has been a bit of my thought process this week. I hope it makes sense! Through this week I have been brought back time after time to Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to him that is ABLE to do far more ABUNDANTLY than we could ask or think, according to the POWER at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen" The words that are in caps are the ones that have spoken to me the most. The best quote that I have heard is "God's most amazing attribute is simply that HE CAN." God chooses to do what he wants and we are so full of our own selves that we don't see how God is pulling us through. I find myself just enduring my circumstances a lot of times instead of opening my eyes to see how God is working them out. I miss out on being able to boast about the power of Christ in my life because I am selfish and get so woe is me feeling. I began thinking about how I put God in a box. I think we all have boxes that we put our beliefs about God into. Beliefs about him that we have learned from our parents, church or past experiences. I don't think that the box itself is wrong. I think that putting the lid on it is wrong. Putting the lid on the box limits our awareness of him and how he is working. My questions of the day are: Have I put a lid on my box? Have I limited my view of Christ? Do I truly understand how ABLE he is?

Easter

2011-04-24T21:48:00.001-04:00

The Easter egg hunt result!

The eggs that turned out normal! We had some trouble with our color tablets not dissolving.

Book Review

2011-04-20T00:03:00.000-04:00

I took a course this past fall on Biblical womanhood and they gave us a list of resources for teaching our children what Biblical womanhood/manhood looks like. This was a book that they recommended for little girls. I bought it a few months ago and have finally had time to read it to Lauren. It is about a King and Queen who receive a gift when their daughter is born. It is a gift of a kiss. A very special kiss. When the princess is old enough they give her the kiss to give to whomever she feels she should. It is a very age appropriate story of purity and how important it is. I was really impressed with it and Lauren is now starting to understand what purity means but on her level.

This is a fun book for little girls about what Godly character is. I had read a children's book review put out by Focus on the Family and they highly recommended this. It has the scripture verse to go along with the different character traits that they talk about in the story. It also puts a big emphasis on the relationship between father and daughter. It's a sweet book!

Ballet

2011-04-18T22:06:00.001-04:00

These are from Lauren's ballet recital a month or so ago. Sorry it took me so long to put them on here!

Every little girl needs a

flower from their daddy

for good luck!

Pretty in pink...with a beak

2011-04-18T21:48:00.001-04:00

Here are a few pictures from "Peter and the Wolf" that Lauren and some of her classmates performed in for our Homeschooling Co op.

Who likes to shop?

2011-04-09T21:14:00.001-04:00

I have a mild obsession with etsy and I check throughout the week for new, crafty things. Please take a minute to check out this site. This is my sister-in-law's etsy shop. She is super talented and does incredible work! http://www.etsy.com/shop/faradaisyjean.

2011-04-07T18:28:00.001-04:00

This made me laugh because I have had moms who were in labor responding to texts in between contractions.

2011-04-06T21:46:00.002-04:00

If only I could express to you what a great accomplishment it is for me to have figured out how to put things in the sidebar of our blog. I stood up and actually cheered for myself!
I wish that I something exciting to share with you, but life has been a bit blah. Lauren was sick last week with a kidney infection that put her in the ER. After some powerful antibiotics and IV fluids she is doing pretty well now. I'm finding myself watching her like a hawk to make sure she is drinking enough and eating to put back on the weight she lost. Oh, the exciting life of a child who is only in the 25th percentile for weight! Now height on the other hand is like 107th! I feel so boring blogging about my child's illness and body size....
I am being challenged in the homeschooling area this week. Last week we didn't accomplish any school due to Lauren's issues, so we started back full force on Monday. I prayed all weekend that it would be a smooth transition back into our routine. Monday was great. Yesterday and today...well....everything is a battle. It makes me weary and tired to think about what things are going to be like when she is thirteen. I love her with all my heart but maybe we will be raptured before she hits puberty.........

Read this today:

2011-03-28T18:11:00.002-04:00

"Your soul's business is in the hand of a High Priest who can be touched with the feeling of your infirmities...He well knows that world through which you are struggling, for He dwelt in the midst of it thirty-three years. He well knows 'the contradiction of sinners', which so often discourages you, for He endured it Himself (Heb. 12:3). He well knows the art and cunning of your spiritual enemy, the devil, for He wrestled with him in the wilderness. Surely with such an advocate you may well feel bold.

Are you alone in the world, and neglected by those who ought to love you?

So also was Jesus.

Are you misunderstood, misrepresented, slandered and persecuted?

So also was Jesus.

Do you ever feel great agony and conflict of mind? Do you feel in darkness as if God has left you?

So did Jesus.

It is impossible to conceive a Savior more suited to the wants of man's heart than our Lord Jesus Christ--suited not only by His power, but by His sympathy--suited not only by His divinity, but His humanity...[He] is the most loving and sympathizing of friends, as well as the mightiest and most powerful of Saviors....you want no comfort...so long as you can repose your weary soul on the Man Christ Jesus." ~J.C. Ryle, Holiness, pp.240-24

Randomness...

2011-03-15T10:50:00.001-04:00

Every girl needs false fingernails at some point in their life. Why not have a little color?

One weaving loom and three hours later......

Easy bake oven time!

Lauren's favorite thing to do is put on a dress that twirls, put on music through the T. V. speakers and dance until she can't stand up straight anymore! This picture is completely her personality.

Distractions....

2011-03-12T20:52:00.000-05:00

So...um...I am not doing so well on my memorization. The first two days I totally rocked it and had a good plan of trying to get two verses a day down. Then I got busy. I worked a couple days this week and had ballet practices and recitals, etc..My, oh, my am I not as disciplined as I thought I was! I feel like I got a bit squashed. God is teaching me a lesson in relying on him in ALL things! I can't memorize on my own strength.

Ash Wednesday

2011-03-09T11:56:00.000-05:00

I will admit right now that I did not have the disciplne to drag my behind out of bed for our 6:30am Ash Wednesday service this morning. Yes, I know. I am lazy! On a more serious note, I have been praying for a week or so about what God might calling me to do over these next days of lent. Last year I gave up reading novels. It was actually very rewarding because a year later I am not back to reading them at the level that I was. I realized how much unproductive time I spent reading. I am getting more sleep now and have more time. This year, instead of sacrificing something I am going to do somethng. Starting today, Paul and I have committed to memorizing Romans 8 in the next 40 days. This is 39 verses in 40 days. I am not posting this to gloat and say hey, look what we are doing. I am asking for prayer! Prayer that we can actually accomplish it, but also prayer for our hearts and minds to be transformed by it. Sometimes I am so guilty of just memorizing it to say I've memorized it instead of really reflecting upon it. Let the journey begin! Todays verses are: "So there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For with the power of the living spirit you are freed in Christ from the power of sin that brings death." That should be Romans 8: 1-2.

We made it!

2011-02-28T18:58:00.000-05:00

My friend is home. Oh, how I missed him! Paul flew in Saturday night. Lauren couldn't sit still in the airport, so she stood as near as she could to the arrival gate looking for her daddy. It was sweet! We are not sure where this leaves us as far as his travels go. We are waiting to find out what the next step is. I would love for him to stay home for awhile or for us to be able to travel with him. This seperation stuff stinks.

I had a nice time visiting my family. I will say that I will NEVER take three dogs on a trip with me again. It was not fun. I think that by the time I got to my parents house I was so worn out that the dogs just added to to the stress. I am not an anxious person. I don't get upset that easily. I had a panic attack a few days after I got there. Lesson learned! Anyway, I love my family. Things can get stressfull by the size of our family and our personality differences, but God gave us eachother for a reason.

Two babies and the flu....

2011-02-15T19:28:00.001-05:00

I am so thankful that God answers prayer! I haven't had a full nights sleep since Thursday, but I am so grateful that there are healthy babies in the world. Friday and Saturday was a marathon thirty five hour labor and delivery. Lauren was sick Sunday and Monday. Bless her heart. It was not a pretty sight, but thankfully very short lived. The whole time I am praying that the other baby would not come until Lauren got better! God answered that prayer. Tuesday morning (this morning) my other mom is in labor and has the most beautiful, fast labor I have ever been a part of! I am exhausted. God is so good.

Another change in plans...

2011-02-09T15:44:00.000-05:00

So, in the last post I had just heard that Paul was going to be extended for two weeks. Well, today I heard that he is only going to be gone for ONE extra week! Three weeks gone sounds so much better than 1 whole month! I am so happy!
So far I am STILL playing the waiting game on these babies. One is 8 days overdue the other is 2 weeks. One is having a homebirth so that means there is no induction unless there is an emergency.The way things are looking I don't think I am going to make it to Missouri to see my family. I have just decided in my heart to be ok with whatever happens and quit worrying. Of course it all boiled down to what my plans were..yeah...we already discussed what happens when you have your own plans. If I miss my family weekend then that is going to be fine.
Hopefully we will get a little snow so that Lauren and I can play in it. It is amazing how many times you can play slapjack, connect four, and Pretty, Pretty Princess. Five year olds never get tired.

A snippet....

2011-02-08T22:02:00.001-05:00

I was so encouraged by this little article from a friend's blog:

I cannot remember a time when I didn't get up every morning and find my mom reading her Bible, praying. Not only did I see the habit, but I also remember that she was always filled with joy when she was done. Some of my earliest memories was getting up before all my siblings (I was an early riser when I was really little...it's a little harder now!) and my mom making an extra cup of tea for me, and playing on the floor while she read her Bible. (I was a talker, so she also had to train me that Bible time was No Talking time)

One of the biggest ways that I was motivated to read my Bible was seeing this example--and my mom always encouraging me that it was a friendship, a delight, and not a task. Because of this, I had an interest to know Jesus through his word at a young age. I have journals of consistent reading and prayer from age 10 on. I cannot tell you, now as an (semi-)adult, how much of a blessing this has been. It has given me a history of love for God's word and a confidence in prayer. It has taught me the habit, and the value for God's word. So, if you are seeking to set this example, don't give up! You might not see fruit now, but Jesus has promised that we will reap (Gal 6:9).

Your example makes a difference--but if you feel like you have failed as an example, take heart. If you have fears for your children's souls, fears that they will not come to be satisfied in Jesus, let your heart take courage. Remember the promises of our Lord:

"I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten" (Joel 2:25) and "The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad. Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb! Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him." (Psalm 126:3-6)

Moms: May the faithfulness of God strengthen you as you strive to faithfully seek Him. I pray that the little ones who watch you sit at Jesus' feet will one day seek Him too!

Ok....slight change in plans

2011-02-08T12:39:00.001-05:00

So...I'm still waiting on my two pregnant mama's to deliver. I can't help but laugh about this situation. One of my moms always has early babies. Both of us were positive that she would have given birth early last week. What is that saying....God laughs when we make our own plans? Yep.

Paul called this morning. He is having a great time. They have given him a lot more responsibility than he expected so he is a bit nervous, but very excited because this is such a great opportunity career wise. He also told me that they extended his trip for two more weeks. This means that he will have been gone for month when he comes home. He should be back sometime during the first part of March. I am really glad for this opportunity for him, so I can't be upset. The thought of a month is a bit daunting at the moment. I keep telling myself that I've already done it two times before..what's a few more weeks?

So far we are ok. All people and dogs are still alive. Lauren had a slight accident with a couch corner, but it could have been much worse. Thankfully, I can handle blood. She is quite proud of her wound! A nice bruise and a tooth sized hole on the inside of her lip. Nothing else has been chewed up or broken. We are doing pretty well today!

One day!

2011-02-06T22:03:00.000-05:00

We have made it a full day since Paul flew out. Whew! Lauren hasn't cried or even mentioned him. That sounds really bad, but not mentioning him is her way of dealing with him not being home. Please pray a hedge of protection around us! Everytime Paul leaves we have stressful days following. I am not joking. It's like the devil testing me to see if I will break. Last trip the dog got sick, the garage door broke and the washing machine broke all within 24 hours. Today the same dog is sick again with some sort of bladder issue, the other dog decapitated one of Lauren's Americn Girl dolls. (It took me an hour to figure out how to get it back on without spending $40 for a new head.) On top of all of this two of my clients that were supposed to deliver last week are still hangin' in there. I am praying that they deliver in the next few days. Please pray that nothing major breaks in our house, my childcare for Lauren will be there when I need it so I make it to thse births and that the rest of this time goes smoothly.

It's time....again....

2011-01-27T21:41:00.000-05:00

Paul is going back to Holland on another business trip next week. I don't know why they call it a business trip...sounds like it should be stressful or something! He gets to work much shorter hours than he does here and he gets to travel to any European country he wants to! It's supposed to be a much a shorter trip this time. Just a few weeks. Hopefully. Last time he was gone things got a little crazy over there and we weren't sure when he was coming home.

I am not on call for any babies while he is gone this time. The last two trips I was on call and it was hard having to stay at home by ourselves. This time I am going to see my parents and spend a very belated holiday weekend with all of my siblings and their families. Getting all five of us together with our spouses and kids is a rare thing due to our locations and schedules. The only person missing will be Paul. :( He is a bit bummed about missing the Super Bowl, Valentines Day and our family weekend.

I still don't think that Lauren realizes that he is leaving again. We have tried o talk about it with her. We'll see how it goes. She was very brave the last time we took him to the airport. She didn't cry in the airport at all. We were walking out to the car and she turned to me and said "Mom, when we get outside can I bawl my eyes out?" My heart broke.

Allowance

2011-01-10T11:35:00.000-05:00

After much discussion, we decided that Lauren was old enough for an allowance and to learn the responsibility of money. She has a daily chore chart that she has to complete and in return she receives her allowance at the end of the week. Below is an idea that we borrowed from one of our pastors at church. We decided a starting amount and we also have a top amount as she gets older. Yes, there is a cap!

We bought an index card sized accordian file:

We labeled three separate compartments: Give, Save, and Spend. In the give slot she puts in a portion of her money to give to God for her tithe. In the save spot she puts in a portion to save for something big that she wants or we will put it in the bank for her. In the spend slot she puts the rest of her money into for buying little things or doing something fun like going for dessert, etc. .

She seems to like the idea of earning money and being able to use her own money for things she wanted. It was such a joy to see how excited she was to give her money to God! We had a few talks last week about what tithing meant and how God wants us to use our money.

A new year, new happenings!

2011-01-10T10:52:00.000-05:00

I know that it's ten days into the new year, but we have been slightly busy adjustung to new changes around here. Paul and Lauren both went back to school last week. Paul is finishing up his degree and Lauren started first grade. She finished kidergarten in three months. The option was to move her up or continue to do the same things for the remainder of the school year. I was a little worried that we were pushing her too fast, but she seems to be handling things well. Being ahead will enable us to slow down if she does have some trouble. After seeking some wise counsel, I feel that were are doing a good thing. It is so much fun to see her grasp new concepts!

The rest of the crew...

2011-01-07T15:00:00.000-05:00

Laurenisms

2010-12-29T00:22:00.000-05:00

I found a list of things that Lauren has shared over the past year and I laughed until I cried while looking back on some of her statements. Here are a few:

"God hits drums in the sky with his really big hands and that is what makes the thunder."

"Oh, it sure looks like a Monday out there!"

"Now give me a big kiss so we can have lots of babies." (While pretending to get married)

"Mom, please don't buy any broccolli. Our house told me that it doesn't like it."

"hoopaloop" was what she called a hulahoop

"Mom, can you help me find my chopstick?" "My lips hurt." (chapstick)

Gesturing with her hands...."Lauren, what are you doing?"......"I'm speaking spanish in sign language!"

Thankfulness

2010-11-24T19:28:00.000-05:00

Do you remember the song that we sang as little kids? "Count your blessings, name them one by one, count your blessings, see what God has done. Count your many blessings, name them one by one, count your blessings see what God has done." I have memories of my mom singing this song to us when we would complain about something! I am so overcome with how wonderful our God has been to our family this year. God brought us through Lauren's epilepsy journey. Things are controlled and now we have to just trust Him with her future. God has shown me so much grace over this year as I got so frustrated with the "Why me, God? Why us?" God took my husband to Holland for awhile. He showed me a lot about myself during that time and then God brought him home safely to us. He even brought him home early! God's timing is so awesome. There was a lot going on in our lives a few weeks ago that we were having to deal with on the phone many miles apart. I was almost at a breaking point when I got a call that said that Paul would be home sooner rather then later. I have never cried such tears of joy! There is so much that has happened in the past year and time and time again the scales have been pulled from eyes and God has revealed His greatness! I pray that you all have a blessed holiday tomorrow and that this holiday season will reveal something incredible!

Thoughts...

2010-10-27T12:55:00.001-04:00

I have been trying to figure out for quite some time how to explain how Paul and I feel about Halloween. This article explains it well. On a side note...I have a really cute picture of Lauren's pumpkin that she decorated except that I can't figure out how to get pictures off of my phone. Anyway, hope you enjoy this post:

182010Making Peace With Halloween (v1.2)

POSTED BY Jason Gray

I posted this a year ago, and since there are probably new readers who have gathered here in the rabbit room since, I thought I’d repost (and revise) it. I hope it’s helpful and edifying.

A couple nights ago, as I was in the throes of carving our family’s final jack-o-lantern – feverishly cutting out the stripes of Charlie Brown’s shirt (we usually fashion our pumpkins into Peanuts characters) – my wife Taya gave a gentle, reflective laugh. “I love what you’re doing right now”

“What?”

“I love how you’re really digging into that pumpkin”

“What are you talking about?”

“Remember when we were first married?” she asked, and then brought our boys into the conversation. “When we were first married, you guys, your dad wouldn’t allow us to have pumpkins, dress up, or even have candy to give out.”

“Really dad, how come?”

Taya continued, “As I recall, you didn’t even let us have a Christmas tree that first year.” She said with a gracious smile, remarkably without a note of contempt.

“Why?” one of the boys asked again.

I was having to put my elbows into it now, hollowing out the flesh of the pumpkin so the candle would better show through the carving. “Ahhhh, you guys…” I said with a tone of regretful concession…

“I grew up in a pretty legalistic environment where they believed Halloween was the devil’s holiday, and if you participated in it at all, you were guilty of devil worship. And then because of some obscure verse – in Jeremiah or Isaiah I think – about bringing a tree into your living room… well, because of this I wouldn’t let your mom get a Christmas tree either.” Then looking at Taya I said, “I’m Sorry” with an apologetic smile. Returning to the work at hand I said, “I’m glad you hung in there with me.”

I guess you could say my convictions on these kinds of things have taken a different shape over the years. There are those from my legalistic past who might say I’ve softened, but in fact it actually feels like my theology on these things has sharpened, maybe even enough to help in the work of dividing soul and spirit, “judging the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” For it’s in the heart, in my opinion, what’s really at stake comes to light.

This post would take much too long to definitively defend and document all that could be said about Halloween, and I’m writing this less as a comprehensive manifesto than as a humble perspective that I hope might make for enjoyable reading and maybe even aid in a grace-full observance of a holiday that comes with some baggage and leaves some of us with mixed feelings (you know who you are).

And it’s not hard to see why, what with all the images of death and darkness that go along with the day. But in my case, most of my personal hang ups concerning Halloween came from the same place that all my legalistic instincts come from: fear. Fear has always distorted the way I see the world and caused me to be reactive - to circle the wagons and take a strident, defensive stance. Fear shrinks my world and can even make me doubt grace and it’s hold on me.

Fear that if I listen to secular music, my mind will be darkened and I’ll become a sex crazed reprobate. Fear that if I have a sip of beer I’ll become an alcoholic. Fear that if I enjoy something it must be inherently bad. Fear that if I go trick or treating with my kids or put up a Christmas tree I’ll inadvertently cast us headlong into paganism.

And so on and so forth.

But fear is what love intends to cast out, because to act out of fear is very different than to act from love. If fear is reactive, maybe we can understand love as being pro-active – and this thought excites me.

One of the more humbling and awe-inspiring theological traditions is the idea that we are called to be co-creators with Christ. Of course we can’t create like God did, ex nihilo, out of nothing, but God has called us to be re-creative with what he’s already made - and there isn’t anything that exists that wasn’t made by him. Bent and broken as a thing may be, there is the possibility for its redemption. And we get to play a part in the unfolding drama of this ongoing redemption and reclamation. At least that’s how I read it.

In this way, I believe that as co-creators with Christ we’re also given the privilege of being co-sanctifiers, or “little Christs” as C.S. Lewis might say – participating in Kingdom Come, reclaiming what otherwise might be lost, bringing it into submission to the knowledge of Christ.

Maybe you remember the worship wars in the 80’s and 90’s when there was much debate over things like whether or not you could have drums in a sanctuary and everyone was arguing about which style of music was God’s favorite? Well, at some point we had to realize that music is more often than not what we make of it. Heavy metal or easy listening, both or neither can bring honor to God – it depends on what intention of the heart is driving it. It was the human heart, after all, that lusted for the forbidden fruit, meaning that it was with our hearts, more than our hands, that we reached to take the fruit, ushering in the Fall. And it is still within the human heart where motives are determined and identities revealed.

An example from scripture: food sacrificed to idols is not necessarily evil when placed in the hands of the true worshipper of God. Purified and repurposed in the heart and conscience of the believer, it is restored to its original state of being simply food. If it’s the heart that defiles or purifies food (1 Cor. 8:7), I guess I’ve come to believe that it’s also the heart that defiles or purifies a certain day of the year. That means a day what we make of it. And my conviction now is that if it’s God’s will for me to play a redemptive role in all of this, I want to start trying out for the most beautiful part available to me.

Much of my religious formation took place in a milieu of shame, fear, and guilt, leaving me at once affirmed in my self-righteousness, alone in my sin, and burnt out on the holiness-works-guilt treadmill as I tried to prove my devotion to God, to myself, and even to those around me.

Into that milieu, God visited me with a grace awakening several years ago through authors like Brennan Manning and Frederick Buechner as well as a renewed filter through which to read my bible – texts that once barked their austere demands at me slowly began to whisper and hum with secrets of a Love so outlandish and scandalous that I could hardly take it in. Books like Galatians and of course the gospels came alive for me with colors and notes I’d never noticed before. And slowly, ever so slowly, the bondage of fear began to break and the world was given back to me. The difference between legitimate and contrived definitions of sin and devotion began to come into focus, too.

In the matter of Halloween, I began to see that my own reservations about the day had more to do with my own baggage than that of the holiday itself.

(What I suppose I should mention here is that I take evil and the occult very seriously. A part of my history that I don’t like to dwell on is the fact that for many years I lived with a stepfather who was deeply involved in the occult. I could tell you stories, but I’ll spare us both. Suffice it to say that a lot of what gets passed off as “occultic” or satanic has very little to do with the real thing.)

Much is made of Halloween’s ties to the occult, though further research reveals that a lot of its association with the holiday might be more a matter of hype, opportunism, and aesthetic than anything else. Do distasteful and evil things take place on Halloween night? Regrettably, I’m sure of it. Is it really the devil’s holiday? I don’t think so. It could be, if that’s what you want to make of it, but to say October 31st is inherently evil is maybe to give more power to a calendar day than is warranted.

Some of Halloween’s roots come from the Celtic “Festival Of The Dead” - a day to mark the end of the harvest season as well as the months of extended light before heading into the darker months. It was also a time to remember and even honor the dead. It was believed by the superstitious to coincide with a time when the barrier between the physical and the spirit world was thinner, leading to all kinds of bizarre notions of dressing up in fearsome masks in order to scare away any evil spirits that might have broken through.

I’m reminded of the hulking statues of fierce warriors that Taya and I saw guarding the gates of the Buddhist temple in Asakusa in Tokyo who were posted there to scare away evil spirits that might want to crash the party and harass devout temple goers. This kind of stuff reveals misguided ideas of good and evil, but is relatively harmless, I suppose – except to the degree that it distracts us from the truth of how the world really works.

So it’s not my intent to diminish the reality of Satan and his work - I’m sure the devil is pleased when we don’t believe he exists. But I imagine he is equally pleased when we are distracted by distorted and misguided notions of who he is and what he’s doing.

I’m not convinced that Satan is as determined to recruit worshippers as much as he’s content to influence us to worship ourselves – the very thing we are the most eager to do. The temptation in the Garden, if we remember, was that we would “be as gods”, that we would be central and in the driver’s seat. Are there those who devote their lives to actual devil worship? Yes, I’m sure. But let me suggest that whenever any of us serve ourselves – when we are self-centered – we serve Satan’s agenda and participate, intentionally or not, in the work of the devil. All the hurt, war, poverty, dissension, and deceit that are born of our selfishness has brought more hell on earth than the relatively small number of sincere Satanists, whose religious identity seems more or less driven by a desire to be counter-culture and empowered, which in the end is more about self-service than genuine religious devotion anyway. Marilyn Manson is less a devilish threat than he is a pitiable attention seeker.

In other words, it’s probable that my misguided attempts at taking a stand against Halloween, rooted in my own fear and self-righteousness, may have done more to distract myself and those around me from the more legitimate and potent works of the devil. One thing I do know for sure is that they didn’t do a thing to make the gospel look beautiful. They probably just made me and my faith look foolish.

And this brings me back to the matter of carving jack-o-lanterns. When Taya and I were first married, I forbid such pagan practices in our home assuming there to be something inherently sinister about carving a face in the flesh of a pumpkin. When kids would come to our door, I’d awkwardly explain that we didn’t have candy because we didn’t participate in Halloween (until I couldn’t stomach it anymore and just stopped answering the door). And though it pains me greatly to admit this, I will confess in the interest of truth telling that one year I even handed out some gospel tracts to trick or treaters.

Yep. I was that guy.

I’m sure the kids really appreciated that! I’m sure they couldn’t wait to find out more about this stingy Jesus who doesn’t let his followers hand out candy to kids. Score one against Ol’ Scratch, right?

A lot has changed since then, and these days my guiding conviction is that my job as a co-sanctifier with Christ is to take what is broken and do my part in reclaiming it, perhaps even making it beautiful, by God’s grace. My earlier attempts of disavowing Halloween were neither redemptive nor beautiful. At best they might have been neutral, but I suspect they did more damage than good.

And all the while my poor wife Taya suffered from my misguided religious zeal! That is, until we had kids. And then she put her foot down.

My resolve was beginning to crack by that time anyway, and my first venture back into the world of trick or treating was timid (though I had loved it as a kid). Our twins were two and we dressed them up as Charlie Brown and Linus (it was awesome!) and went to the Barnes & Noble Halloween party where they toddled around asking workers for candy. It was fun, and I even made it through the experience unscathed by legalistic guilt!

Since then, Halloween has become one of our favorite holidays in the Gray household. We try to avoid “the appearance of evil” by eschewing costumes that strike us as “dark” or otherwise distasteful, choosing instead to hit the streets as a whoopee cushion, bottle of ketchup, or a ninja warrior, walking the two blocks of our neighborhood freezing in the late October chill. When the twins were little and their hands would get cold, they’d each slip them into my gloved hand to warm them up as we’d walk door to door. It’s one of my most cherished memories of all time. Then I’d stand back as they would timidly take the steps of a neighbor’s house, knock, and with little voices say “trick or treat” and then “thank you”. Taya would stay back at our house to greet trick or treaters, handing out copious amounts of candy (everyone knows us as the “gospel singing family” and she wants to build a reputation of generosity for us. Perhaps she’s also making up for the “lost years”…) Over time it has grown into a Halloween party where we invite friends over and Taya makes cookies in the shapes of fingers and eyeballs, and we laugh and enjoy each other immensely. You see, these days I’m more interested in reclaiming things and repurposing them than I am protesting.

All this to say: I’m excited about our Halloween plans this year.

I’m excited to have friends and family to our house to laugh with and enjoy.

I’m excited to spend time in my community with my neighbors.

I’m excited to hold my little boy’s hand in the warmth of my glove when his gets cold.

I’ve even come to value the opportunity the spookier goings-on of Halloween affords us to face our deep rooted fears of mortality and to even poke a little fun at death. It could be that hidden beneath the ragged clothes and garish make-up of our zombie costumes is the universal hope that death doesn’t really have the final say…

And I’d be lying if I didn’t also say that I’m excited about finger and eyeball cookies.

Of course Paul reminds us that all things are permissible, though not everything is beneficial, and it’s true there is hardly a thing under the sun that we aren’t able to justify if we put our minds to it. Whether Halloween is permissible or even beneficial for you is ultimately a matter to be worked out in your own heart.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord, with friends and family and costumes and candy this October 31st.

Fall 2010

2010-09-25T19:02:00.000-04:00

One week...

2010-09-25T09:00:00.001-04:00

We made it a week! Everyone is still accounted for and the bills have been payed on time. Paul is working a lot, but says he is having fun. In his words it's an "experience." Everytime I talk to him I always ask what he ate that day just to see if he is going out of his food comfort zone at all. Yesterday I asked him what was for dinner and he said "I don't know...but it was good!" That made me laugh!
Lauren and I are hanging in there. Trying to keep ourselves busy. Yesterday she came down with strep throat. Our weekend plans have been rescheduled and we are having a quiet weekend at home.

Here we go...

2010-09-18T22:56:00.000-04:00

I did it. I said goodbye to my husband and put him on a plane to Europe.
Lauren handled things really well up until she wanted to look out the window at the planes. We had a discussion about how people got on the plane and how big the seats were, ect....then it happened. Big alligator tears that turned into one of those hiccuping, whole body sobs. I am so glad that Paul was past security at that point and couldn't hear or see her. He would have had a break down. The crying lasted for an hour! Oh, how my heart hurt for her!
We had friends that had invited us over for the afternoon. I wasn't sure if we should try to keep busy or just go home. Well, we went to our friends house and let me tell you...it was incredible. They made us steak and baked potatoes! After dinner they brought out a DQ ice cream cake to celebrate Lauren's birthday that had been the day before. Lauren was so excited that they remembered her birthday and they did such great job of distracting us from what was such a yucky day. It was so nice to be loved on and to be with people who understood that being seperated from your spouse for an unknown amount of time is not easy. God is so awesome! I was so worried about what how Lauren would handle it today and God just took care of it!

World Traveler

2010-09-01T03:19:00.000-04:00

So, the big news in our house is that my husband is leaving in two weeks for Europe. His job is sending him to help out in Cologne, Germany and possibly Amsterdam. Family is not allowed to travel with him since it is a short term relocation. We think he will be gone for about two months. I'm sad that he won't be here, but very excited for him to have this opportunity. I've always wanted to show him the places where I grew up and now he will get to see some of it! I will admit that I am dealing with a bit of jealousy! I want to go too! We might be able to visit him, but airline tickets are so pricey right now. Sigh...maybe we will become overnight millionares!
I am a bit worried about how Lauren is going to handle this. She is the ultimate daddy's girl. We told her that he was going to go to Germany to work for awhile, but I don't think she quite understands that she and I aren't going. We'll see how it goes. He will fly out the day after she turns five.

Just a nugget of wisdom...

2010-09-01T03:07:00.000-04:00

Here is a little excerpt from a book I'm reading: Girl Talk by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre. This is Carolyn's response to "If you could raise your daughter all over again, what would you do differently?" This answer kicked my butt!

I wish I had trusted God more.

For every fearful peek into the future, I wish I had looked up to Christ instead. For each imaginary trouble conjured up, I wish I had recalled the specific, unfailing faithfulness of God. In place of dismay and dread, I wish I had exhibited hope and joy. I wish I had approached mothering like the preacher Charles Spurgeon approached his job: 'forecasting victory, not foreboding defeat.'. . .

As women, aren't we all vulnerable to fear, worry, and anxiety? And few areas tempt us more than mothering. But faith must dictate our mothering, not fear. . .Faith toward God is the foundation of effective mothering. . . Success as a mother doesn't begin with hard work or sound principles or consistent discipline (as necessary as these are). It begins with God: His character, His faithfulness, His promises, His sovereignty (pg 65).

Even in the most trying situations with our daughters, we have much more incentive to trust than to fear, much more cause for peace and joy than despair. That's because, as Christians, we have the hope of the gospel.

The gospel begins with bad news. It confirms the fact that we are all sinful, rebellious creatures. . .But the gospel doesn't leave us with bad news. The message of the gospel is that Jesus Christ has come to save rebellious sinners: mothers and daughters (pg 66).

Kindergarten!

2010-08-17T22:08:00.001-04:00

Holy Cow! We did it! We made it through the first three days of kindergarten. For those of you who don't know, we decided to homeschool for a while and see where God leads us. This decision did not come easily at all. It was a very long few years (seriously, it was years!) of me arguing with God and telling him NO! Apparently, God won! Anyway, I am so proud of my child! She has jumped right in and done really well with our new schedule. She came into my room really early this morning and said "Mommy, hurry! The sun is up, we need to start our school day! " It made me smile! I'm glad she is so happy!

Where did the time go?

2010-08-13T23:01:00.000-04:00

Oh, how I miss this little two year old! She is so excited to start kindergarten on Monday. She will be five next month! Kindergarten and a birthday in less than a month..... my heart hurts...in a good way!

I was planning on having a nice relaxing weekend before the school day routine started, but it's turning out to be the opposite of that! This month is a very busy month for babies. I was really excited because I have had three moms give birth in a week and a half. Two of the births were in a 30 hour period. I was tired, but adrenaline kept me going. The morning after the third birth, I came home and slept for two hours until I had to go to work at Babyology. When I woke up I thought that a bug or something had bitten me in my sleep, but soon found out that I had hives! By the time I got home from work I was covered from my shoulders down and very itchy! This morning I woke up and my eyelids were covered and they were all over my tongue. Of course my doctor is out of town until Wednesday! I called urgent care and they said not to worry unless I had facial swelling or I had trouble breathing. Nice! I have been on around the clock benedryl since yesterday. This is the craziest thing that I have ever experienced! I have no idea what caused it. Hopefully all will be better by Monday!

Laurenism...

2010-08-08T22:46:00.001-04:00

So, today my mom was talking to Lauren on the phone and they were talking about a painting easel that she had gotten a few years ago. Lauren stops talking, looks at me and says "Mom, where is my painting weasel?" Paul and I both cracked up for a few minutes! I love it when little things like that come out of her mouth because I am reminded of how young she still is. Anyway, that was a bit of humor form our Sunday afternoon!

Here it is...

2010-08-06T20:31:00.002-04:00

Some dear sweet people have challenged a blog off. The subject is "Favorite Things." Here you go, Friends!

Fountian cherry coke from Steak n' Shake. The .29 cent charge for the cherry syrup is so worth it!

HGTV - I love to watch people take a horrid looking room or yard and transform it into beauty. Then I dream about what I would do if I had the money. Then I get slightly depressed....it's a vicious cycle! :)

Flip Flops - A girl's pedicure needs to breathe!

Fall/Cool weather - I love the feeling of putting a sweatshirt on for the first time when it gets cool. When you can combine a sweatshirt and the flip flops for a week or so, that is the best!

Ethnic Food - I'll try anything once, but I love mexican (hole in the wall, real mexican restaurant food!) and my new favorite is Somolian food. Yum!

No judgement! I like country music. Not the twangy, roadhouse, "you think my tractors sexy stuff." I like Lady Antebellum, Zack Brown Band, etc. I am a bit picky when it comes to music.

Favorite verse - Isaiah 43:2 Go read it! It has become the verse that has spoken to me over these last months.

Tidbits....

2010-07-30T21:37:00.001-04:00

I love the way a little kid's mind works. It looked like it was going to rain earlier and we were on our way out for a meeting and Lauren says "Did you know that there are really big drums in the sky and God beats on them with his hands and that is what makes the thunder?" I really couldn't help but smile at that one! In her mind that was perfectly logical!

She has learned that we live in one state, but her daddy works in another state. Instead of asking what place we are going, she asks "What state are we going to be in?"

Because of my job, Lauren hears me on the phone quite often discussing pregnancy related issues. I put down the phone earlier today and she came over and said "So, did her water break yet?" She hasn't asked any questions yet about how babies come out and I am not going to share until she does ask. It was quite interesting when I overheard her talking with one of her little friends about where babies come out. Friend: "It comes out of your bottom." Lauren: "No it doesn't. It comes out of your belly! That's why God gave us bellies. It goes in there through your belly button."

Lauren update

2010-07-30T12:27:00.001-04:00

We had our Neurology follow up today. Ever since we switched her medication everything seems to be going really well. We haven't seen a siezure in almost three months. Just because we haven't seen them does not mean that she isn't having them, though. On Aug. 26th we are going to do a 24 hour EEG to see what her brain activity is. They are looking for little "siezure bursts" that last 5 seconds or longer. Those are the ones that will effect her driving and activities as she gets older. She has to be two years siezure free before we can bring her off the medication. When she is 6 1/2 we will try to wean her off the meds and see if she is still having any issues. If she doesn't show any siezure signs then there is a good chance she might have grown out of them. If she does show signs of siezures, we will put her back on the meds an wait another two years. We will continue this process until she hits puberty. Taking things one day at a time is a lot easier said than done for me. It is still really hard not to dwell on what her teenage years might look like! Thank God that for the time being things are calm for her.

Color on the wall!

2010-07-25T18:23:00.001-04:00

Lauren's new walls....she asked for polkadots so Paul gave them to her!

The valance.....no sewing!

This is what I walked into when I went to check on her one night. Snoring with a russian fur hat on her head!

Everything has been pretty busy here. We have been trying to get our walls painted, finally! No more builder beige! I have been busy this week trying to prepare for the kindergarten year. Lesson plans and a school day schedule. Our start date is going to have to be flexible due to having three babies in the next three weeks that I am waiting on. Busy! Anyway, Lauren is really excited to start school. I got her books out of the box and she just sat there saying "Oh, thank you, Mommy! Real live school books all for me!" Lets see if she stays that excited in the coming years!

Paul and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary this past week. I can't believe it's been that long! Life seems to be going by faster and faster. My baby is in kindergarten and reading, next she'll be going ot college and getting married.....sigh, I better stop, I might start crying!

My Favorite Things

2010-06-21T08:11:00.000-04:00

Thoughts...

2010-06-08T22:00:00.003-04:00

I was reading Zephaniah the other day and I read this...

He is a mighty Savior.

He will take delight in you with gladness.

With his love, he will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."

Zephaniah 3:17

He is there. He loves you. He delights in you! How awesome is that?

I also read this and it made me smile...

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in staying strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day & I believe in miracles." - Audrey Hepburn

A little bit of this and that...

2010-05-26T23:19:00.002-04:00

Leave it to the four year old girl to turn exercise bands into fashion!

The sky after a major thunderstorm. I thought it was pretty.

Summer Fun! Finally got to break out Lauren's inflatable pool. Trying to get as much use out of it as we can. She'll be too long in another month or so!

I'm still here!

2010-05-21T11:16:00.000-04:00

Sorry that it has been so long since I've posted. Life got complicated for a bit. So here is the Lauren scoop: We are officially on ONE medication. Weaning her off of the other one was quite the experience. Her little mind wasn't sure what was going on and her behavior and attitiude got pretty nasty. I literally would put her to bed at night and then sit on the couch and burst into tears. Thankfully, all seems better now. The only side effect we see is that she has a period of hyperness right after she takes her medicine. I will take a little hyperness anyday over what we went through before! She is sailing right along in her reading lessons and is really excited to start kindergarten. It's so excting to watch her learn!
So the question was asked by my other blogger friends: What is your favorite sport and why.....Well, believe it or not, when I was younger I was actaully pretty athletic. I played tennis, soccer and I swam on a swim team for a while. I had a very short fascination with ice skating for a while. My favorite sport to participate in was swimming. You could move much faster in water than on land so that made me feel like I was really good! :) Honestly, I don't watch a lot of sports now, but I do love to watch the Olympics. Swimming and diving are my favorites in the summer and my favorite in the winter is ice skating. Only in my dreams am I that graceful!

Reading!

2010-04-20T18:52:00.000-04:00

So, I feel the need to brag on my child. She read her very first sentence all by herself today. Her sentences are things like "Sam sat on a ram and the ram can not see" type sentences. Maybe next week we'll start on a novel. :) This is a major milestone for us. I was a bit worried about how all this medication and epilepsy would affect the process. She has done so well. She has caught on better than I ever imagined she would. It is so exciting to see her so proud of herself!

A moment in my head...

2010-04-14T22:49:00.003-04:00

I wish I had some random funny things to say about the week, but I don't. To be honest, things have been a bit crazy. I blogged earlier about Lauren's medication change. Well, we are slowly weaning off of one and increasing the dose of the other. The outcome at present is that we have the same side effects from the first medication, just not as intense, with extreme hyperness to top it off. The tough part is she is also going through her four year old stage of trying to practice self control. There has been quite a few tears (from both of us!) and some privileges taken away. Parenting is challenging to begin with, but parenting a child who is on medication that affects her moods is craziness. We are constantly trying to figure out if her behavior is due to medication, epilepsy or just being four.
Please don't think that I'm griping and complaining! Life could be so much worse! I really shouldn't have anything to be upset about. Our needs are met. My child is living and breathing. I have come to realize that when I pray I have such a "woe is me" attitude sometimes and that is so wrong! My attitude needs to be one of thankfulness. When I am thankful it doesn't change my circumstances. It radically changes my viewpoint and brings back into the presence of God, where I can find joy.

Easter

2010-04-05T17:48:00.005-04:00

Our Easter Tulips....I couldn't find any Lillies

Getting ready for the Easter egg hunt with our lovely prefilled eggs from Target! Yes, I forgot the the camera for the egg hunt. Yes, I have mommy guilt!

The Dress...this dress was big news in our house. My mom found a dress that had a matching doll dress with it. There was a big discussion about leaving the doll in the car when we got to church. Apparently the doll needed to hear that "Jesus is Alive" too. I wish it had been warm enough to go without the sweater because the sleeveless look was really cute. I was really excited that she let me put a pony tail in. It's a daily argument over her hair. FYI: Just keep the hair short until they can take care of it themselves!

It was an amazing day. It was actually very low key and we ended up doing yardwork and things, but our worship and message at church just stayed with me. I am so thankful and so glad that God chose to love me!

Spring?

2010-04-02T20:50:00.002-04:00

I am so excited to see the sunshine! I love walking aroud without a jacket or a sweatshirt. It's so pretty outside, I'm afraid that it won't stay! We'll probably have some freak storm soon. I'm having a difficult time being positive about our weather. We tend to have windstorms, blizzards, icestroms...heck, let's through in an earthquake!
I was able to attend another birth on Monday. It was incredible! I picked up a lot of massage business this week. My whole body hurts today! I love my job, but.....ouch! I can say, though, that I can arm wrestle my husband and almost win. If you have seen him, then you know that is quite an accomplishment! :) At least all the massge helps me build up my upper body strength even though I feel like I just worked out 12 times in a row.
I am really looking forward to focusing on Resurrection Day and family time this weekend. I might just read a fiction novel! I made it! 40 days and no novels. Only in God's strength. I came close to caving a time or two.

Update on Lauren: We have decided to go ahead and switch her medication. Her side effects from the previous one were not subsiding even though we lowered the dosage as far as we could. It's going to take a few months for us to make the switch. We have to introduce this new medication VERY slowly or it could cause problems. She will be on both medications for a little while. Please pray that she can handle this new medication a little better!

Why must they grow up?

2010-03-28T16:23:00.000-04:00

Remember those giant blow pops?......yeah.....

The good with the bad....

2010-03-25T18:50:00.003-04:00

So, it has been an eventful week. Please don't judge me by the story I'm about to tell you....I got pulled over the other night..with my four year old in the car. If you know Charlestown, then you know that the speed flucuates driving through town. It was late at night and Lauren and I were on the way home from a friend's house. I had just reached the part of town where the speed limit drops and started to slow down. No sooner had I hit the brakes than the lovely blue and red lights filled our car. My sweet four year old starts yelling and screaming "Mommy, what did you do? Are we going ot jail? I want to sleep in my own bed! Daddy will be very angry with you if we go to jail!" I'm telling her to calm down and tried to explain what happened when the cop comes over. I hand over my license and registration and the whole time Lauren is still yelling..SO the cop flashes his flashlight into the backseat and guess who doesn't have her seatbelt on? I know she put it on when we left our friend's house! She told me it just "came out". Maybe it did, I don't know. I ended up with a ticket, a child restraint violation and a nice talking to about being a responsible parent! Only me, only me...Thankfully my wonderful husband did not yell at me when he conveniently found the ticket on the counter and has only made one smart alecky comment about it all week.
The good part of the week was that I was privileged to be able to attend an incredible birth of a friend of mine. I love my job! Each birth is such testimony to the power of prayer. My friend was actually scheduled to have a c-section (not by choice) and she decided that if she was supposed to have a natural delivery she would go into to labor before the c-section was to take place. We all just prayed for God to give her peace about all of it. Twenty four hours before her scheduled section her water broke. She was able to have the beautiful, drug free birth that she desired. God is in complete control of every little aspect of our lives! To some of you this may sound crazy, but my job is to help my clients have a positive birth experience, even if that means a c-section. If a mom doesn't feel good about the birth, then it can cause all kinds of post partum issues. Fifty percent of birth is phsycological.

Springtime fun!

2010-03-20T16:01:00.000-04:00

.This is how real girls play football.....

in a skirt!

Two and half weeks!

2010-03-17T22:43:00.000-04:00

My fast from fiction ends in two and a half weeks! The first week was hard, but after that my life became incredibly busy all of a sudden. I think it was a good thing. If I wasn't busy, I would have caved. I haven't really thought much about it. I even went to the library with Lauren yesterday and didn't even stop in the fiction section! I took out books on home organization instead....yes, I felt a bit like a loser with my big stack of DIY books. Anyway, I think that this has been a good experience. My priorities will be different when this is over!

Organization Destination

2010-03-15T14:29:00.001-04:00

Ok, I have something to confess....I have a problem when it comes to organizing papers.. I can make things look organized at a glance, but if you look closer it's really a mess. One of the biggest issues that Paul and I have is trying to find something when we need it. It's the typical "Where is ___? "I don't know. I thought you had it." Things seemed to just end up in a stack on the desk. I finally decided that I was sick of it. I found an awesome website that is geared toward helping you organize your home. It's http://www.organizedhome.com/ I love it! I am slightly OCD and this site helps me use it in a positive way. This site helped me put together a whole filing system that is practical and something that both Paul and I will use. I'm so excited to be free of all my paper clutter! No more sifting through papers!

Feeling old...

2010-03-11T17:11:00.000-05:00

You know when you were in your early 20's and you could stay up all night and still function the next day? Well, today I am reminded that I am in my 30's. Last night I was able to witness an incredible birth and see a new little life come into the world. I got home home at 3:30 this morning and then had to be up to go to my little part time job at 6:30. Lauren was very nice and let me lay on the couch for 20 minutes when I got home this afternoon! I don't know why I get so shocked at myselfwhen it takes me longer and longer to recover from these overnight appearences that these babies like to make! All of my doula friends call it the baby "hangover," No matter how short or long the birth is you always come out extremely wrung out. I really can't complain, though...being able to witness the miracle of life is totally worth losing a little sleep over!

2010-03-09T15:29:00.000-05:00

I have to share a funny comment from yesterday. I have been using Aveda hair products and if you have used them you know that they smell "earthy." Paul jokingly commented on my smelling like a hippie. Lauren heard him and says " What? My mommy smells like a hippo? Paul and I both cracked up. Anyway, that was a bit of humor from our day....

Update on the Little Lady...

2010-03-08T21:18:00.001-05:00

I really need to put some pictures up on here! Sorry I'm such a slacker....Ok, we had a neurology appointment today. I have to say that I love our neurologist. He listens! Today was her follow up to see how her medication was doing. Good news is the siezures are pretty much gone from what we can tell. Bad news is the side effects from the medication are causing issues. I know that every medication has side effects and I am living in a dream world if I think that I can find one that is perfectly harmless. Lauren's personality seemed to alter slightly once we started this medication. She is very irritable and gets angry really easily. This is not at all our happy go lucky little girl. She complains of headaches and stomach pain daily and we have to force feed her half the time. Some days she is fine, but other days you have to bribe her.When your four year old is in the fetal position on her bed crying because her stomach hurts, you start to realize that this isn't normal. I went into the appointment thinking that we were going to have to live with this, but the Dr. listened to all the issues and suggested that we either lower her dosage of the current medication or switch her to one the has less side effects. For right now we are choosing to just lower her dosage and see if her side effects lessen at all. If it doesn't work, we have the other option. The tricky thing is trying to tell the difference between the problems. It's kind of a guessing game right now to see which issues are medication induced and which ones are just due to the epilepsy. Epileptics suffer from headaches sometimes, but they can also be caused by medication. The same thing with the mood swings. It's hard to process the fact that even though we don't see the seizures anymore because of the anti-siezure med, she is still has epilepsy. The epilepsy is having it's own effects on her brain while we are just seeing the outward medication effects. I am very thankful to have options now, but feel a little overwhelmed. Cutting down her dosage means that there is a possiblity of her having siezures again until we get the dosage right...slightly scary. You know what, though? We serve a God who is sovereign over all things. That is my comfort!

Let's go shopping!

2010-03-03T09:40:00.000-05:00

I am always looking for unique jewelry and things. A few months ago I discovered etsy.com. Now my very creative sister n law is on there! Go check her out!
http://faradaisyjean.etsy.com/

Time goes by...

2010-03-01T16:09:00.000-05:00

The hardest thing about this fast from fiction is filling up my time with productive things and not replacing my addiction with another one! I am doing better than I thought I would. I have only read one fiction book in two weeks. The book on cd that I listened to on the way home from my mom's doesn't count because it was an educational biography! At least that's what I'm telling myself...
Lauren and I made it back from D.C. in one piece, barely....one slightly scary event involving driving through a blizzard and having a tow truck pull us out of a snow bank. We were fine and the car was fine. The most hilarious part was Lauren yelling from the back seat that daddy would be quite upset with me if I went "sledding" down the road again! I thank God for His protection over us! I have some pictures to post from our trip, but I can't figure out how to get them off my camara phone onto the computer. My digital camara died as soon as I actually wanted to use it! Figures!
March is looking to be pretty busy. Waiting on two babies to make their way into the world and trying to get some massage clients in where I can. I find myself wondering why I feel so worn out sometimes when I only have one child. There are so many of you who have multiple children and full time jobs! You brave women, you! Maybe I'm just getting wimpy...

Can I do this?

2010-02-16T19:09:00.001-05:00

Ok, people. Here is a challenge for you. Our pastor gave us a 40 day challenge this week. No, we aren't catholic, but it does coinside with lent. Think about something in your life that you give more praise to than God? Is it technology (iphone, t.v.), is it food? What do you spend most of your attention on? Now, you don't have to give it up all together. You can just limit it a bit. You can't give up eating, but you can limit a food addiction you might have. But don't give up chocolate and substitute it with skittles either! Anyway, my issue is that I read way to many novels. I read mystery stuff...James Patterson, Harlan Coban, Lee Child and a whole lot of christian fiction. The problem is that I should be spending more time in the Word instead of reading whatever novel I have chosen. This might sound slightly ridiculous to you, but I have a serious reading addiction. Whenever I have a free moment I read. I read four to five 300 - 400 page novels in week on top of all the books for four year olds that we have around! So, my goal is to focus more on christian non-fiction (like a biography or a book on prayer) and Bible reading instead of the fiction. As soon as we started talking about things that we should spend less time doing, I was extremely convicted.

Happy Day?

2010-02-15T17:34:00.000-05:00

Well, Valentines day has come and gone. No, I did not get my Lexus, but I did get a rice cooker that I had been asking for and chocolate strawberries. Can't complain! We played hookie from church and drove up to Indianapolis to see my parents who happened to be in town for the weekend. Lauren had been asking for days to go visit her grandma so we let Lauren go home with them. I will go drive up this weekend to pick her up in D.C. I was so excited to have a day or so to get some things done around the house. I purged Lauren's room and sorted through her too small clothes. I got caught up on all the laundry. Now that it's been a day, I miss my girl! It probably wouldn't be so bad if we weren't snowed in here and my husband wasn't going to be at work all night! So much for my week of valentines.....

God is so good!

2010-02-10T17:25:00.000-05:00

Lauren's MRI results were normal! Nothing abnormal..no tumors, lesions or anything scary. Such a relief. I feel like we can finally breathe again. When we told Lauren that they didn't find anything in her head she said "Oh, wow! Is it empty?" Gotta love the way they think!

Valentines day is coming ...hint, hint

2010-02-08T21:05:00.000-05:00

A girl can dream can't she?....sigh

The MRI Experience

2010-02-08T20:55:00.000-05:00

We got up at 5:45am so that we could be at Kosairs on time this morning. Everything is going well and we make it with time to spare. Lauren had not been allowed to eat or drink anything at all since she was going to have to be sedated. On the way there she asks for a piece of gum and not thinking I gave it to her. When the nurse asked if she had anyhting to eat or drink, we remembered the gum. "Lauren spit out the gum." I can't, it's in my belly!" So, her test got pushed back eight hours so that we could wait for the gum to digest!. It was great fun telling our child that she couldn't eat anything for eight more hours! When we went back to the hospital to get the MRI done we were quite entertained by a very slap happy four year old who was so relaxed from the medication that she couldn't even sit up straight and just giggled for an hour! At least now we know that when she is under the influence she is quite happy. :) It took her a while to come out of the sedation, but she seems pretty good tonight. Hopefully we will have results within the next few days.

Victory?

2010-02-05T09:24:00.000-05:00

I think I may have conquered the caffiene addiction. No more splitting headache or serious cravings. The day that my headache was the worst, was the day that we ran out of tylonol in our house! I toughed it out and I am glad that I did because going through that much pain is enough to keep me from getting myself hooked again. Geez, I sound like I've just been through drug rehab! Anyway, during this process I only let myself have diet, caffiene free drinks. I'm hoping I have cut some of my refined sugar addiction, too. It's amazing the things that we don't think are a big deal are really big addictions in our lives! I would have never thought that caffiene was that big of an issue until I went through this.

What was I thinking!

2010-02-03T11:56:00.000-05:00

For some reason when I get an idea I have to do it all the way. Last week I decided that I needed to cut back on caffiene. No, I thought well, why just cut back? Why not just cut it out completely? This is day three now. Monday and Tuesday weren't too bad. Today? Well, today I want to hurt somebody. I don't know if it is a mixture of my sinus issues along with withdrawl, but I think I might die today. Lauren keeps looking at me very curiously and asking "Are you ok mommy?" I just close my eyes and moan in agony... I don't know why I couldn't be ok with just cutting back. A little caffiene is ok right? I am trying to cut down on the soda intake so I thought well, cut out caffiene! Next I will want to cut sugar completely out....somebody stop me!

Yummm....

2010-02-01T19:25:00.000-05:00

Do you ever think about a certain food and you just can't get it out of your head? This was mine today.

Trip to Mississippi

2010-02-01T11:12:00.001-05:00

These are a couple of pictures from our trip to see Paul's family. The top picture is Lauren and Nana. Nana is Paul's grandmother. The last picture is of Lauren and G-Ma, Paul's mom. (Lauren looks funny in this picture because she has a jolly rancher in her mouth!) We had a good time. It was nice to get away from here and be able to to take a break from everything that has been going on the past six weeks or so. Lauren really enjoyed spending time with her grandparents. I have some more pictures to post later. Our trip home was pretty exciting. We ran into a storm in Tennessee and ended up staying the night with my brother and sister-in-law who live right outside Nashville. Thank you God for family! So it tooks two days to make it back to Indiana. We were all pretty disappointed to see that our part of the storm only left us with about an inch of snow!

Delight?

2010-01-21T14:42:00.000-05:00

I was meeting with a friend today for a biblestudy on prayer and came across this verse...."Whom have I in heaven but you? And I have no delight or desire on earth beside You." Psalm 73:25 This should be the cry of our hearts! What does delighting in the Lord truly look like? This is a question that I have been pondering most of the day. Matthew Henry says " What is the desire of a good man? It is this, to know, and love, and live to God, to please him and be pleased in him."

Nothingness = Bliss!

2010-01-17T19:10:00.001-05:00

I attended a birth that was 27 hours long on Thursday. The most beautiful (and one of the longest!) experiences I have had as a doula. I can normally bounce back pretty fast from these marathon days, but not so much anymore! I had to work Friday and Saturday so that could have contributed to my fatigue. Paul and I declared a "Rest Day" today and it has been wonderful! We didn't even go to church. We laid around and played with Lauren all day. I have never felt so good doing absolutely nothing with my family. Lauren has been running a fever for a few days so one of us would have had to stay home from the day's activities anyway. Everyone take a day sometime soon to just 'be' and hang out with those you love! Don't do any chores and order take out!

Babies, Babies and more Babies!

2010-01-12T18:55:00.006-05:00

I just realized that it has been quite sometime since I have mentioned anything about my doula work. I am getting ready to help with my 12th birth. I can't believe it! I have a pretty busy March and April planned. I have four scheduled so far. I feel so privileged to be able to be apart of these new little lives! It's a pretty rewarding job. So, for any of you who were wondering, yes, I am still in the "baby" business and loving every minute of it! I just started a part time job at a little place in Louisville that has lactation consulting and everything you could possibly need for pregnancy and nursing. It's a really neat place to work having doula experience because everything that I talk about with customers directly relates to my baby job. I am learning so much!

Update...

2010-01-11T17:38:00.002-05:00

So, after a week and a half Lauren is officially on her full dose of medication. We had to start her on it slowly due to it causing upset stomachs. Now the real test starts. We have to watch and see if she continues to have any seizures on the full dose. We have definitely seen a decrease in the amount of seizures. It's hard to tell how many she is having because you have to be looking right into her face to tell if she is having one at that moment. I didn't realize this, but when she is having a seizure she is not in a daydreaming state at all, but she is completely unconscience. ( I try not to dwell on this! ) When we think that she isn't having anymore seizures after a period of time we will get a 24 hour EEG done to see if the medication has completely stopped them or not. Pray that it completely stops them! If not, then she will have to go on an additional medication. Ugh! So far the only side effects that we have seen is that she seems to be a bit more tired and has constant blue circles under her eyes. From what I have researched, this is normal. I was doing a bit more reading about CAE, and even though it is controlled by medication, kids can still develop learning disabilities with this disorder. This made me cry! I struggled (and still do) with a learning disability. I had a very difficult time in school. Dealing with these issues is not something that I ever thought she might ever have to do. The realization that she could have learning issues is very hard for me to deal with. God is in complete control. She is not our child, but His. I just pray that if this is what our future holds then God would equip all three of us to handle it to the best of our ability. I think I need to spend some time meditating on 2 Chron. 20:15!

Adjustments...

2010-01-03T19:17:00.004-05:00

Hope this finds you all doing well. I am sad to see the holiday season end, but am excited to find out what will happen in the new year!
Well, life has been quite interesting here lately. Let me start from the very beginning. Lauren has had febrile seizures since she was about a year old. These happen when she gets sick and her fever goes up so high so fast that her little brain can't handle it and she has a seizure. She has had two of these that we know of. That being said, about a month and a half ago I started noticing that Lauren was having a hard time listening and paying attention to me. She has always been slightly clumsy, but seemed even more so lately. She developed a double ear infection right around this time and she had a lot of trouble hearing us. I had to make her look right in my face to get her to understand what I was telling her. I start noticing that when I was talking to her she would get this "glazed over" look for 5-15 seconds in the middle of a conversation. I didn't pay to much attention attention, but I did mention it to Paul and told him that I thought it looked like she might be having a slight seizure or something. I had never experienced anything like this with her before. Paul did some research on " Absence Epilepsy" and it described Lauren's behaviour to a T. I started to notice that the episodes started happening more and more often. She got to the point where she was having them every 5 to 10 minutes. I think I almost had a nervous breakdown! We got her into the pediatrician and she confirmed what we thought was going on. Lauren had an EEG and a neurology appt. and the neurologist said that she definitely has Childhood Onset Absence Epilepsy (CAE). It is treatable. From what the neurologist and all of the research that we have done say is that they don't cause any brain damage and the child has no idea what is happening. They don't even remember them. Lauren couldn't describe anything to us because she didn't know she was having them. This disorder develops between the ages of 4 and 9. The earlier they start, the more likely they are to grow out of them. There is a small percentage that they can develop into gran mal seizures later in life. Anyway, the neurologist thinks that Lauren's case is pretty straight forward and that she will grow out of them. It could be ten years, but he is hopeful. She is on medication now to help control them, meaning that they should go away completely. He believes that the febrile seizures and these absence seizures are connected and that this is some sort of genetic mutation that might have just skipped generations. I am so thankful for that double ear infection! Without it we wouldn't have noticed the seizures. Thinking about the future makes us a bit nervous. It's hard not to think about the what if's. What if she doesn't grow out of the seizures? What if she can't learn to drive because of them? What if her medication has some strange side effect? If anyone is on this medication for a long period of time it can lead to depression and suicidal tendancies in teenagers. It's hard to think about, but we just have to take it one day at a time and pray that she grows out of it. Life is so exciting! Everytime we have turned a corner this year it seems that God says " I need a little bit more faith from you!" I cling to Isaiah 43:2

More..

2009-12-27T19:57:00.009-05:00

For some reason the blog site is limiting how many pictures I can download at a time.....Ok, in one of the pictures you can see that our little princess in making her way into the diva stage..sigh..we knew it would come some day! The wreath picture was my meager attempt at redoing our old one that was falling apart. The other pictures show some of what Lauren received for Christmas..thank you for the educational things! I think we have finished almost 1/2 of it already! The bathtub picture is an example of what happens when you give a child bathtub crayons....the package said that it would come off with water! Yeah, right! Took me 45 minutes using a bleach solution! Hope you all had a great holiday! Happy 2010!

Photos...

2009-12-27T19:49:00.004-05:00

Lauren is just as in love with my new snuggie as much I am! Go ahead and laugh, but you don't know what you are missing until you have entered snuggie world! The picture of her in bed is how we found her on Christmas night after an exciting day. I couldn't help but get a picture!