Saturday, October 22, 2011

Learning

Boy, it's been awhile. Sorry! Life is full of diapers, sleep schedules and trying to parent a six year old, too. Someday's I feel as if I am slowly losing myself! I know...these stages won't last forever! Today is overwhelming. It's been a tough, frustrating week along with four nights of both boys wanting to be up at 4:00 in the morning and stay up!
It was a week of questioning for me. The family court judge is supposed to make a placement decision this coming week. This means she is making a decision about whether or not the boys stay with us or go back. The frustrating part is that if they go back right now it would be the exact situation that they were pulled out of. The going back part is not what bothers me. It's the desire for them to go back to a BETTER situation. I question what the point in all this was if they are going back now. Instead of focusing my energy on what I can't control, I need to learn to stay in the moment. Right now in this moment we have two little boys who need us. We have two little boys who need to be loved. This is the most emotionally frustrating journey I have ever been on! Those who know us know that Paul and I have been through a lot these past few years. This seems so much harder than all that!

2 comments:

ginmommy said...

I will pray for you guys. I'm sorry it's been so difficult, but I commend you for sacrificing for these two children.

Tracey said...

I think of you almost every night before bed (weird, huh??! LOL) and pray that you will have strength for whatever you need.