Hurry up and wait

Oh, I feel like my days are filled with waiting for our phone to ring and praying that somebody is calling to tell us that they have a foster care placement for us. In God's time...

Paul has been off for four days and goes back to work this afternoon. I feel like we have been so spoiled these past few days! No agenda, just hanging out together. This next weekend we are going to Missouri to see my parents and drop Lauren off for her summer trip with Grandma and Grandpa. I'm really excited because Paul gets to come too! It is rare that he gets to take a weekend trip.

Update on Lauren: We had a neurology appointment this week. I had noticed that she had been having a few more seizures than normal. Even on medication she still has 1-2 episodes a day. I was noticing 5 or more on some days. The difficult thing is that there are so many triggers.....lack of sleep or being in the sun, etc. Anyway, her Dr. decided that it would be best to increase her medication. The process of increasing the dosage takes almost a month because it has to be done so slowly. You also have to watch for any adverse reactions at the same time. It's all a bit nerve wracking! So along with more medication and sticking to a good routine we are pretty confident. I have been dealing with trying not to worry about her future. If her seizures keep  increasing as she gets older than the likely hood of her growing out of this is pretty slim. It's a daily challenge for me to hand her back over!

The adventure part of the Arthur Adventure...

Do you remember in one of my last posts I told you that there was something I wanted to share? I can finally tell you now! For the past couple years Paul and I have been praying for guidance in how we should expand our family. We have looked into a few adoption agencies and God just kept closing doors. While Paul was in Europe we decided to use our time apart to pray and see what we came together with. My heart was leaning towards adoption through the state of Indiana. If any of you know anything about my background then you know why my heart was leaning that way. When Paul came home in February we had some long discussions about it and we both felt led to foster to adopt. So, as of today we are officially foster parents through the sate of Indiana! We are now anxiously waiting for a placement. We are both excited and terrified! God knows exactly what our family needs. Please pray for us as we start this journey.

"The Mother Load"

What was the original "mother-load" that now causes eyes to bulge and hands to spread to show the magnitude, the intensity? This Mothers' Day I think I have found it, this load on mothers that is so extreme and so weighty and so universal that it has made it's way into pop culture jargon... mother-guilt.
I have yet to find a woman, no matter how old or young, who has grown eyes and skin and bones inside her being or agonized over months of paper work and meticulous training, who is not plagued by the hissing in their ears. 
I can't believe you let your child cry in his bed... you are a selfish mother.
I can't believe you let your child sleep in your bed... you aren't tough enough. 
You started food to early... or too late. 
Your schedule is too lax... or too rigid.
You spank.
You don't spank. 
When our children begin to sin, look us in the eye and say NO to God's way...we think... what have we done wrong? What could we have done different?
When a toddler hits you in the face, spits out his dinner and whines through out the store you feel the eyes of others burning into your back... even the eyes of God seem to weigh you down until you collapse, throw up your hands and cry out for HELP!
When children grow and are angry, distant, ungrateful or simply lost a mother looks back... did I spank enough or too much? What about that one time I got angry and had to leave the room... or raised my voice... or gave that look... if I had not done that one thing, would it be different today, this moment?
A mother makes a million decisions a day... what time to get the children up, what should they wear and what's to eat? How do you educate them and love them and discipline them and teach them all the things they need to know before life deals them a hard blow. What day to do the laundry and the shopping and when to play outside and how to stay safe and clean and socialized... what's for dinner and how many veggies have they had today? What about sleep overs and girl friends and boyfriends and church? Family worship, devotionals, bible memorization? What is enough and when is it too much. When to push and when to give? It's exhausting... and when so many decisions are made, it is impossible to feel secure you made them ALL right in any given day. Add to that multiple children and other people's children and then the clincher... SIN! 
In the midst of this chaos of mind, it's easy to lose sight of God. 
That God who is working all things for your good and His glory.
That God who is making you look more and more like his Son.
That God who knows your child more intimately than you and knows the trials they need to come to Him.
It's not all about you, or them or right now... it's about Him and this plan He has and IS working out... even when dishes lie dirty and laundry mildews in the washer and mom almost loses her cool, again... 
His plan is working, molding, sanctifying... and it is good. 
So, my present to you moms today and a present to myself... let it go. Work hard for the glory of God and raise open palms to the Lord with the rest and look your children in the eye and say, "I did my best, I was faithful... though a sinner and God has a plan for you!". 
God doesn't ask us to save our children or give them a perfect life... he asks us to be faithful to Him
To glorify Him as we shepherd, train, discipline, love and give to God.

Joy of Hair Bows!

This is a website of a friend of mine. She had given me some hair things for Lauren to try and I have to say that if you have issues with clips staying in your little girl's hair you need to try these! Barrettes and clips slide right out of Lauren's hair because she has such fine hair. My friend Terra reinforces her clips with a nonslip piece of fabric. They are AWESOME!   http://www.joybowtique.blogspot.com/     She does custom bows for any occasion. Check it out! Very reasonably priced.

Keepin' on....

This week has been crazy. I think tumultuous would be the word! There is so much going on in our lives that I hope to be able to share with you soon! This has been a bit of my thought process this week. I hope it makes sense! Through this week I have been brought back time after time to Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to him that is ABLE to do far more ABUNDANTLY than we could ask or think, according to the POWER at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen"   The words that are in caps are the ones that have spoken to me the most.   The best quote that I have heard is "God's most amazing attribute is simply that HE CAN." God chooses to do what he wants and we are so full of our own selves that we don't see how God is pulling us through. I find myself just enduring my circumstances a lot of times instead of opening my eyes to see how God is working them out. I miss out on being able to boast about the power of Christ in my life because I am selfish and get so woe is me feeling. I began thinking about how I put God in a box. I think we all have boxes that we put our beliefs about God into. Beliefs about him that we have learned from our parents, church or past experiences. I don't think that the box itself is wrong. I think that putting the lid on it is wrong. Putting the lid on the box limits our awareness of him and how he is working.  My questions of the day are: Have I put a lid on my box? Have I limited my view of Christ? Do I truly understand how ABLE he is?