Transparency...lets get real

As I look back over the year I have to tell you that life has been slightly rough. Paul has had two different jobs in the past 18 months. God has now provided a job he loves but it's also a job that is 80% commission based. Every month is the question "will there be enough?" To be honest, the last few months the answer to that question has been no. The long discussions of what the next step is. The time spent pouring over our bills trying to figure out how we can cut back even more.  It's been hard to wake up some days and not be sure if my kids will have enough to eat that day. It's been hard to swallow our pride and sell possessions so we will have gas money and food. I'm not sure what Christmas is going to look like this year. I do know that we still have our house, we still have transportation and that God has ALWAYS provided even when we didn't think it would enough. I'm not sharing this to complain or beg for anything. I'm just being real about what life has been like. In the midst of it I can still say God is good. It;s been a lesson in letting go of my selfishness and my desires. I have had to let go of appearances. I thank God for showing me humbleness. I thank God for the lessons we have had to teach our daughter about materialism and not always needing to buy something or go out. God has taught me so much in these past months. I am finally learning that HE has to be my everything. I have learned that relying on yourself gets you nowhere. I am coming into this season of celebration with such a different heart attitude.. "Let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the Lord our God, our maker...."