What happened?

Where did the time go? What happened to summer? It's back to school time for us already. I am going to try to start on August 3rd pending any laboring mama's between now and then. We have a busy fall season ahead of us and I thought that if I got a head start and we had to take a small break then I wouldn't be too far behind. I'm battling my beginning of the school year nervousness. Since Lauren is a grade ahead I get this "Oh, no...is she REALLY ready?" feeling every time.  She has grown up so much this summer. I am excited to see how she grows through this next school year.

I have some really cute pictures to post, but our computer decided to break. Thankfully, Paul has a laptop that we are able to use to keep up with emails and things. I'll get pictures up when I can!

Today

Today is a celebration! Nine years ago today at 4:20 pm I married my love, my friend.  I have run into so many people lately that say things like "Oh, just another year" or "I don't have the patience to break another one in."  Comments like that make me so angry!  You know what? Anniversaries are for celebrating each other and what you have become together. They are for being proud that you are making it in this world. In this world where people in their early 30's (like us) have been divorced twice already.  I am a much better person because of Paul. I am proud of us!

Every Step, Every Plan

I borrowed this from one of my favorite blogs:


"Take one step at a time, every step under Divine warrant and direction. Ever plan for yourself in simple 
dependence on God. It is nothing less than self-idolatry to conceive that we can carry on even the ordinary matters of the day without his counsel. He loves to be consulted...Consider no circumstances too clear to need his direction. In all thy ways, small as well as great; in all thy concerns, personal or relative, temporal or eternal, let him be supreme. Who of us has not found the unspeakable 'peace' of bringing to God matters too minute or individual to be entrusted to the most confidential ear?... If in true poverty of spirit we go every morning to our Lord, as knowing not how to guide ourselves for this day; our eye constantly looking upward for direction, the light will come down. He shall direct thy paths…. Let the will be kept in a quiet, subdued, cheerful, readiness, to move, stay, retreat, turn to the right hand or to the left, at the Lord’s bidding; always remembering that is best which is least our own doing, and that a pliable spirit ever secures the needful guidance…. No step well prayed over will bring ultimate regret.” ~Charles Bridges

Holidays and babies

Sitting and waiting for "The Band Perry" concert to start. We have a five year old that loves country music!

Paul and Lauren watching fireworks. Last year she was still a bit nervous about them so it was nice to see her enjoying them this year. 

The fireworks on the river were incredible. The concert and everything were free. It was a really nice family evening on a budget! 

My first of five babies coming this summer decided to make her way into the world Wednesday night. It was incredible. It was a very long 22 hours but I will never get over how amazing the birth process is and how God created us. 

Marriage....it's a neat thing

This is a link to a sermon series by Mark Driscoll  from Mars Hill Church in Seattle. It gives you a whole different view of what marriage is supposed to be, especially if you didn't grow up in a christian home.  He goes through the book of Song Of Solomon. It is absolutely amazing and worth listening to no matter where you are in your marriage. It has some really practical advice. We have been listening to bits at a time.     http://www.marshillchurch.org/search/results?q=peasant+princess+sermon+series

Oh, My

Well, here we are day four of the day shift. I had this vision in my mind of finally having "normal" days and more family time. Ha! First day was a 13 hour day, 2nd day was a 17 hour day, 3rd day was about 13 hours. Poor Paul..he got home at 1:00am on Wednesday morning and said "You know how this was supposed to be better? Well, I think I they lied to me!"  Hopefully things will get easier over the next few weeks. It is nice to know, though, that at some point in the evening he will be coming home. Lauren is thrilled to come out of her room in the morning and her daddy is awake and she can spend time with him for a few minutes before he leaves. The adventure that is our life right now!

Changes in our household

Most people would say that I am over reacting to the change that is happening around here, but to me it's pretty big. After eight and a half years of night shift Paul got a day shift position. For the first time in eight years I got up and made breakfast for my husband. Tonight I get to make supper for him when he comes home. Does that sound crazy? I've never done it before. I've never had to schedule meals around my husband's work schedule. I'm used to making him lunch when he woke up and sending his supper with him. We have never had to schedule our evenings around anything but Lauren and I.  Paul has never been home on a week night to help put Lauren to bed or say good night to her. When we do an activity on a week night it's mostly me going alone with Lauren and having to explain where my husband is. One of the ballet mom's asked me if I was a single parent one time. Very glad to not have to experience that feeling again!  We are really excited, but there is going to be some adjustment as we find our new normal.

Some pictures finally!

Grandma's house! 

This is Molly, one of my parents labs. She wanted to know when she could hop in and play with the girls.

Nothing like relaxing in grandma's giant whirlpool tub. Life gets hard when you are forced to play and have fun all day! 

This is the view from my mom and dad's upper deck. Beautiful Ozarks! 

Quiet...maybe a little too quiet

Our house is quiet. VERY quiet. There is five year old little girl chatter missing. For the first few days we have enjoyed it. Paul's job has been really calm this week so he has been home a bit more than usual.  It's been nice. Now I think we are ready for the little girl chatter to come back! She'll be back next week, thankfully. I can't complain. I am so thankful that she gets to spend time with her cousins and my parents. 

I have been busy purging rooms and going through a certain child's room and ridding it of all the "necessary keepsakes" that she accumulates. It is so funny to see what kinds of things she deems as keepsakes.  A gum wrapper, a broken flip flop (because it was the prettiest color of pink that she had ever seen!) or a barbie doll that has it's legs and arms chewed off from the dog. It makes me smile. 

Hurry up and wait

Oh, I feel like my days are filled with waiting for our phone to ring and praying that somebody is calling to tell us that they have a foster care placement for us. In God's time...

Paul has been off for four days and goes back to work this afternoon. I feel like we have been so spoiled these past few days! No agenda, just hanging out together. This next weekend we are going to Missouri to see my parents and drop Lauren off for her summer trip with Grandma and Grandpa. I'm really excited because Paul gets to come too! It is rare that he gets to take a weekend trip.

Update on Lauren: We had a neurology appointment this week. I had noticed that she had been having a few more seizures than normal. Even on medication she still has 1-2 episodes a day. I was noticing 5 or more on some days. The difficult thing is that there are so many triggers.....lack of sleep or being in the sun, etc. Anyway, her Dr. decided that it would be best to increase her medication. The process of increasing the dosage takes almost a month because it has to be done so slowly. You also have to watch for any adverse reactions at the same time. It's all a bit nerve wracking! So along with more medication and sticking to a good routine we are pretty confident. I have been dealing with trying not to worry about her future. If her seizures keep  increasing as she gets older than the likely hood of her growing out of this is pretty slim. It's a daily challenge for me to hand her back over!

The adventure part of the Arthur Adventure...

Do you remember in one of my last posts I told you that there was something I wanted to share? I can finally tell you now! For the past couple years Paul and I have been praying for guidance in how we should expand our family. We have looked into a few adoption agencies and God just kept closing doors. While Paul was in Europe we decided to use our time apart to pray and see what we came together with. My heart was leaning towards adoption through the state of Indiana. If any of you know anything about my background then you know why my heart was leaning that way. When Paul came home in February we had some long discussions about it and we both felt led to foster to adopt. So, as of today we are officially foster parents through the sate of Indiana! We are now anxiously waiting for a placement. We are both excited and terrified! God knows exactly what our family needs. Please pray for us as we start this journey.

"The Mother Load"

What was the original "mother-load" that now causes eyes to bulge and hands to spread to show the magnitude, the intensity? This Mothers' Day I think I have found it, this load on mothers that is so extreme and so weighty and so universal that it has made it's way into pop culture jargon... mother-guilt.
I have yet to find a woman, no matter how old or young, who has grown eyes and skin and bones inside her being or agonized over months of paper work and meticulous training, who is not plagued by the hissing in their ears. 
I can't believe you let your child cry in his bed... you are a selfish mother.
I can't believe you let your child sleep in your bed... you aren't tough enough. 
You started food to early... or too late. 
Your schedule is too lax... or too rigid.
You spank.
You don't spank. 
When our children begin to sin, look us in the eye and say NO to God's way...we think... what have we done wrong? What could we have done different?
When a toddler hits you in the face, spits out his dinner and whines through out the store you feel the eyes of others burning into your back... even the eyes of God seem to weigh you down until you collapse, throw up your hands and cry out for HELP!
When children grow and are angry, distant, ungrateful or simply lost a mother looks back... did I spank enough or too much? What about that one time I got angry and had to leave the room... or raised my voice... or gave that look... if I had not done that one thing, would it be different today, this moment?
A mother makes a million decisions a day... what time to get the children up, what should they wear and what's to eat? How do you educate them and love them and discipline them and teach them all the things they need to know before life deals them a hard blow. What day to do the laundry and the shopping and when to play outside and how to stay safe and clean and socialized... what's for dinner and how many veggies have they had today? What about sleep overs and girl friends and boyfriends and church? Family worship, devotionals, bible memorization? What is enough and when is it too much. When to push and when to give? It's exhausting... and when so many decisions are made, it is impossible to feel secure you made them ALL right in any given day. Add to that multiple children and other people's children and then the clincher... SIN! 
In the midst of this chaos of mind, it's easy to lose sight of God. 
That God who is working all things for your good and His glory.
That God who is making you look more and more like his Son.
That God who knows your child more intimately than you and knows the trials they need to come to Him.
It's not all about you, or them or right now... it's about Him and this plan He has and IS working out... even when dishes lie dirty and laundry mildews in the washer and mom almost loses her cool, again... 
His plan is working, molding, sanctifying... and it is good. 
So, my present to you moms today and a present to myself... let it go. Work hard for the glory of God and raise open palms to the Lord with the rest and look your children in the eye and say, "I did my best, I was faithful... though a sinner and God has a plan for you!". 
God doesn't ask us to save our children or give them a perfect life... he asks us to be faithful to Him
To glorify Him as we shepherd, train, discipline, love and give to God.

Joy of Hair Bows!

This is a website of a friend of mine. She had given me some hair things for Lauren to try and I have to say that if you have issues with clips staying in your little girl's hair you need to try these! Barrettes and clips slide right out of Lauren's hair because she has such fine hair. My friend Terra reinforces her clips with a nonslip piece of fabric. They are AWESOME!   http://www.joybowtique.blogspot.com/     She does custom bows for any occasion. Check it out! Very reasonably priced.

Keepin' on....

This week has been crazy. I think tumultuous would be the word! There is so much going on in our lives that I hope to be able to share with you soon! This has been a bit of my thought process this week. I hope it makes sense! Through this week I have been brought back time after time to Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to him that is ABLE to do far more ABUNDANTLY than we could ask or think, according to the POWER at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen"   The words that are in caps are the ones that have spoken to me the most.   The best quote that I have heard is "God's most amazing attribute is simply that HE CAN." God chooses to do what he wants and we are so full of our own selves that we don't see how God is pulling us through. I find myself just enduring my circumstances a lot of times instead of opening my eyes to see how God is working them out. I miss out on being able to boast about the power of Christ in my life because I am selfish and get so woe is me feeling. I began thinking about how I put God in a box. I think we all have boxes that we put our beliefs about God into. Beliefs about him that we have learned from our parents, church or past experiences. I don't think that the box itself is wrong. I think that putting the lid on it is wrong. Putting the lid on the box limits our awareness of him and how he is working.  My questions of the day are: Have I put a lid on my box? Have I limited my view of Christ? Do I truly understand how ABLE he is?

Easter

The Easter egg hunt result! 

The eggs that turned out normal! We had some trouble with our color tablets not dissolving.