Adjustments

Paul started a new job today. We have been praying for a new job for awhile. Things with UPS were getting crazy and we had absolutely no family time. So, a few weeks ago God answered our prayer and he was offered a position with a really good distribution company on the south side of Louisville. The bittersweet part about this job is that he will be going back to working nights after he gets through with his orientation. Night shift isn't bad. I'm not complaining. It's the adjustment for Lauren and doing the whole dinner/bedtime thing alone every weeknight. We have done it before and I know that it will be ok. It's the getting through the adjustment part that I am dreading. My prayer for Paul is that this new job will be less stressful. God is control!

Update on foster care: Baby A is growing like a weed and is a really happy, well adjusted little boy. Our next court date is in May. We really aren't sure what is going to happen. They are still trying find and do paternity tests on two potential fathers. In the midst of all of this, birth mom is getting ready to have another baby in the next few weeks. Prayers are that they take this baby or that she really has straightened up and can parent this time. It is a day by day journey around here!

Mourning the early years...

So, this is going to sound  rather dumb, but my daughter is growing up. We are only three years away from the "tween" years.  She is starting to develop deeper friendships with her friends. I wish I could turn her back into a baby! I decided that I better darn well start preparing myself. Here is what I found that I have thoroughly enjoyed reading and wish that I had started reading when she was younger. It's a lot more than just having "the talk" with your daughter. Both books focus on helping them develop healthy friendships, modesty, helping them to have healthy play while they are little so they will learn how to make good decisions. For so long we felt  helpless in so many areas when it came to parenting a girl.  These books were and still are very helpful!

Busyness and other things

The past month has been crazy! My mom had a knee replacement so Lauren, the baby,  and I went out to Branson to help her for a few weeks. While we were gone Paul got an emergency foster care care placement for a few days. Thankfully everything turned out really well and he is back home with his mom. Amazed at my husband for taking care of a three year old little boy by himself for three days! No that I doubted his ability, it's just that most husbands wouldn't volunteer to do it! Anyway, things are finally calming down a bit and we are trying to get back into our school routine. I have a prayer request for you: While we were in Branson we found out that my nine month old niece has been diagnosed with a rare cancer called rahbdomyo sarcoma. She is going to be undergoing chemo and radiation soon. She has a lot of extenuating circumstances that would take too long to go into, but needless to say she has had a tough go of it since she was born and now she is dealing with this. Please just lift her up in your prayers.  Her name is Ellie.

Anxiousness

I haven't posted on here lately because I haven't had the words to share what has been going on. Long story short...there are a few people that want Baby A to be placed with them. Tomorrow Paul and I have a meeting with them and our caseworker to pretty much just lay it out and fight for what we believe is best for this little guy.    My prayer is that God's will be done. This is not about what our family wants, but it's about what is best for him. Even though God's will may not be pretty or end happily on our end, it is what is best for us. So, tomorrow we have our meeting and then next week we have a court date where the judge will decide placement.  Here is what has been laid on my heart the last few days:  "Your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8-9

Encouragement

I borrowed this from a blog that I follow. I needed to read this today. 

30

JAN

When Life is Hard

2012 at 3:18 pm   |   by Carolyn Mahaney
Filed under Biblical Womanhood SufferingI love Scripture's honesty. I love how the biblical authors, inspired by the Holy Spirit, don't hold back about despair, weakness, doubt, or fear. They don't step gingerly around topics of pain or temptation or trouble. They are frank about the fact that life is hard.

So when the biblical writers speak to us of hope and joy and peace, we know these are real too. And in our depths of despair, we can take their hand and follow them out of the pit.

Take for example, the words of Jeremiah in Lamentations 3 that we are all so familiar with: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" (v. 22-23). These words are spoken from the heights, a spectacular panorama. But how do we get there when we feel crippled by the trials of life? 

The same way Jeremiah did.

Only a few verses earlier he writes from the deepest valley: "...my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, 'My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord'" (v. 17-18).

Can you relate? Hope, gone. Peace, gone. Happiness, so far gone, you can't even remember what it feels like. What do we say to someone who confesses this? Do we recoil at their lack of faith? And yet here is Jeremiah, prophet of God, confessing that in his trouble he feels bereft of all of the blessings of the people of God.

Then Jeremiah shows us how he gets from the depths to the heights: "But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope..." (v. 21).

His soul, which had taken its last breath of hope, was resuscitated by calling to mind who God is and what He does. He is faithful. He shows mercy, He does love. He does notforget. He sent His only Son who endured the agony of the cross, in our place and for our sins, and rose again, victorious. This I call to mind.

Notice that Jeremiah's trial was unchanged. He didn't get a phone call that the cancer was gone. He didn't find his enemies on his front porch asking for forgiveness. He didn't get hired. His child didn't become a Christian. But he had something better.

He had hope. Hope that one day, even if it wasn't until heaven, he would know happiness again

Home

Here are a few pictures from our trip to the Coast. We had a nice time visiting family and friends.  It was wonderful to not have to worry about anything for a week! 

This is the laundry detergent that I made before we left. I made my own a few years ago, but didn't like it, but this is a new recipe and so far it has been fabulous. It cost me $15 to make and you only use one tablespoon per load. This jar should last close to nine months. Here is the recipe:

1 box of Borax

1 box of Arm and Hammer washing soda

2 jars (small containers) of powdered oxyclean ( I used the SUN brand) 

2 small boxes of arm and hammer baking soda

3 bars of grated fels naptha soap (pink zote soap from Home depot works well too)

You should able to find all of this at Walmart. 

Mix it all together really well! My laundry room smells so fresh just from the detergent! I still use fabric softener just because I like our clothes to be extra soft. 

This is what we did today...

Dishwasher Detergent

Here is another one of my "sick of spending so much money on soap?", "tired of loading the dishwasher after dinner and finding you are out of dishwasher soap, again?". Save money and grocery store trips and make your own. It's really easy and last's forever!

Here is what you need.

 Dishwasher Detergent ingredients:
1 box Borax (4lbs 12 oz or 76 oz ) (2.15 kg) found in the detergent isle
1 box Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda (55 oz or 3 lbs 7 oz) found in the detergent isle
24 packages of unsweetened lemonade drink mix, like kool-aid. (**Note: lemonade will stain soap dispenser yellow, another option would be to use citric acid instead of lemonade. You can usually find citric acid in the canning isle )
3 cups Epsom Salt
Lemi Shine rinse aid (this recipe does not work very well without it) You can find Lemi Shine in the dishwasher detergent isle at just about any store. You can also use vinegar as a rinse aid. If your dishes are coming out with spots on them that means you do need a rinse aid.

Christmas

This year was different for us. We decided to shake things up a little and do the twelve days of Christmas with Lauren. The hard part was being organized enough to make sure that I had something everyday. I had to get my shopping done early. We started on the 14th and ended on the 25th. This big hit was her American Girl doll that she had been begging for the past year. She said that she wants to do do the twleve days again next year so I guess it's going to become a tradition. If you read the history behind the twelve days it actually isn't until the 25th through January 6th...Lauren wouldn't go for it...we tried! We spent the weekend just hanging out and having family time. Saturday we are leaving for Mississippi to visit Paul's family. We are looking forward to getting away and seeing people that we only see once a year or so. Not sure how restful it will be with a six year old and a five month old, but the change of pace will be welcomed!

Pictures!

Here are a few pics that a friend took of Lauren: (I have some of the baby but I can't post them. Sorry!)

Lauren

With all of the court stuff last week I completely forgot to share on here the good news. Lauren had a neurology check up last Monday. He was able to change her medication to one pill a day instead of six pills. That was nice to hear and our insurance company will be happy. We had been seeing her neurologist every six months, but he is letting us go a full year this time! Yay! When she is seizure free for two years we can start to wean her off her medication to see if she is growing out of it. The marker for whether or not she is going to grow out of them is puberty. If she hasn't grown out of them by then the neurologist said that the seizures would manifest into a different kind of epilepsy with possible gran mal seizures. All of that to say that we are just playing the wait and see game. The only side effect that we have seen from all of this is that she is a little slower getting things accomplished. Slow as in each task takes more time than usual. If that is the only issue we have then I can live with it!

Peace

Well, we passed little W off to his new family yesterday. I am praying that this is the last stop for him. They say that before the age of three all the moving around doesn't effect them, but I disagree. The chances of him being placed back with his mom are very slim, so that is a blessing. I spent the day praying for a peaceful feeling about all of it and I think that God has given me that. I got to sit down and talk with the other mom and  we got to talk about his last four months and the ways that he has grown. I truly believe that she loves him and cares. It all seemed right. Of course we are sad because he brought a lot of joy to our house.

God is in control

I have been waiting to update the blog because I wanted to see how the court hearing went that they had this morning. So, the judge ordered that W (the 18 month old) be given back the people that were taking care of him before he came into the foster care system. This is what we have had to prepare our hearts for since the beginning. Of course I am not happy with the judge's ruling and don't understand it. The positive aspect is that W knows these people and has a bond with them. As of now we still have A (the 4 month old) for a few more months. Letting go is the challenge of being a foster parent. You know where they came from and you pray that they go back into a better situation. Not knowing whether or not they are going to continue to help him learn his words or put a bottle back in is mouth is what is so hard. I feel like I have worked so hard over the last four months and I pray that he remembers and it wasn't in vain.

Talk about a lesson in trust!

Well, our weekend started out pretty well. Saturday we got to spend with Paul and then Sunday we got to go down to his work and do a trunk or treat that they were putting on. Monday it started...I got a call on Monday morning that there was going to be a last minute placement hearing on Wednesday morning and that we needed to be prepared to let the boys go back this week. Ok. I was angry, but took a few deep breaths and just decided not to think about it until Wednesday. God is Sovereign and he knows what is best. Monday afternoon we had visitation with the boys mom. Visitation day is is always stressful. We managed to get through it with no major drama. (Thank God!) I get everyone back in their car seats and my car won't start. I am so naive when it comes to automobiles and we have never had an issue with our van up until now. My poor husband is stuck at work and had no idea when he would be able to come. A very sweet friend comes with her jumper cables and nothing happens. My six year old is sobbing because she can't go trick or treating with a friend.  I ended up having to have the van towed on Tuesday morning to the dealership and found out that it was a wire gone bad. The dealership lost our van for a few hours because they couldn't figure out where the tow company had put it. In the midst of all of this our caseworker calls and tells me that family court is cancelled due to another trial going on. We don't know how long we have, but we at least have a few more days. We are grateful for whatever time we can spend with these boys trying to plant whatever positive seeds we can! So, today I am going to get my van back (hopefully!) and am waiting on a call from a client who is going to be induced tonight. Life is never boring around here!

Possibly good news...

As of right now we definitely have the boys through November until the placement hearing on December 1st. This is  great to hear, but now what will happen in December? Trying not to let ourselves think about it right now!
My heart has been so conflicted this week not knowing what was going to happen. A sweet friend reminded me that we have adoption and foster care because of sin and because we live in such a broken world. My focus changed after hearing that. My prayers are not that the boys mom will just get clean and get her life together, but that she will have a heart change, too. I am reminded that we serve such a great and mighty God. He is mighty to save. (that is one of my favorite songs by the way!)

Learning

Boy, it's been awhile. Sorry! Life is full of diapers, sleep schedules and trying to parent a six year old, too. Someday's I feel as if I am slowly losing myself! I know...these stages won't last forever! Today is overwhelming. It's been a tough, frustrating week along with four nights of both boys wanting to be up at 4:00 in the morning and stay up!
It was a week of questioning for me. The family court judge is supposed to make a placement decision this coming week. This means she is making a decision about whether or not the boys stay with us or go back. The frustrating part is that if they go back right now it would be the exact situation that they were pulled out of. The going back part is not what bothers me. It's the desire for them to go back to a BETTER situation. I question what the point in all this was if they are going back now. Instead of focusing my energy on what I can't control, I need to learn to stay in the moment. Right now in this moment we have two little boys who need us. We have two little boys who need to be loved. This is the most emotionally frustrating journey I have ever been on! Those who know us know that Paul and I have been through a lot these past few years. This seems so much harder than all that!